When Having Alley Sex With A Hooker, Always Be Sure To Look For A Five O’Clock Shadow

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I have a bunch of friends that work in the sanitation department – and let me tell you…those guys have some stories.

One night at four in the morning, one of the guys, who I’ll call Lou, came across a hooker.

“For thirty bucks I’ll give you a blowjob,” she said.

“Frank, you gotta let me borrow thirty bucks,” Lou said to his coworker. “I promise I’ll finish the rest of the route.” Continue reading

“I Thought You Were Shy — This Skinny White Bitch Is OUT OF CONTROL!”

Yes, everyone at Lucky Cheng’s last night, the lunatic in the hot pink/zebra dress was me. And, yes, I was giving a lap dance to a complete stranger on stage in front of a restaurant full of people at a transvestite cabaret. As you can see in the progression of events, I went from shy and afraid to wild and crazy in a matter of about ten seconds. What? I wanted to win the contest!

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Jen And Men…Who Dress Like Jen

This past weekend, my girlfriends and I went out to Lucky Cheng’s to celebrate my 25th birthday. (I know, I know, I’m insanely old.) For those of you who are not familiar with this establishment, it is a restaurant/drag queen cabaret. Within five minutes of choosing between two drinks — the Pink Pussy and the Flaming Poon — we witnessed a lap dance that made even me blush.

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Of All The Transvestite Cabarets To Run Into You…

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s seeing someone that looks unbelievably familiar to me and not knowing where I know them from. Lately it’s been happening to me more and more. I feel like everywhere I go I run into someone I know. I mean, I know I’m famous, but this is getting crazy.

The other night I sat at the bar at The Hard Rock Cafe with my best friend, Kerry.

“Kerry, I know that man,” I said, looking at the bartender.

“I think he just has one of those faces,” she replied.

“NO! I know him!”I insisted.

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