One morning Cal the Cop text messaged me that he was drunk-golfing with his best friend, Joe. A few hours later, I received a text that drunk-golfing had turned into drunk-trip planning, and the two of them were sobering up and heading down to Atlantic City for the night.
“You should come,” he said.
“Nah, I’m not cool enough to ride in a Camaro,” I replied, knowing full-well he was just messing with my head as per usual.
I am about to shock everyone and write about a boy only spoken of once on JenAndMen. If you’re wondering why I haven’t written about him in the last 8 months, the answer is simple: I was so in love with this boy that I physically could not bring myself to withstand that kind of pain.
But now I’m over the mind-fucking bastard. So, yay, blog posts galore!
If you go back in time 20 guys, you will find yourself face-to-blog with who I’ll call Cal the Cop. And, no, I don’t ever call him Cal. That would just be weird.
If you’re a JenAndMen reader, you know that this title is completely inaccurate. Ironically, a guy I used to date back in the day asked me this question a couple weeks ago. I was truly surprised to hear that that’s what he thought. But when I told another guy friend of mine, he said that it appears to the world that this is, in fact, my M.O.
Has a friend ever made a comment about your life that was so dead-on that you were shocked you never came to the realization yourself? That happened to me this morning. Christine and I were having our morning phone conversation (aka me venting to her) and she turned around and came out with a statement that left me speechless (something that’s very hard to do).
“Every guy you date has some problem with you…and they have absolutely no issue with telling you what it is. And I can’t freaking stand it.”
I wrote “guys” in the title, but the truth is there are girls who do it to their boyfriends, also. Most of my blog posts are rants about bad dates, assholes, or going on bad dates with assholes. Sometimes I whine about being single. Every once in a while (hint hint, now) I’ll have a Hallmark card moment and write something uplifting. So prepare to be freaking uplifted, or at least pretend so I feel like I did my good deed for the day.
I recently dated someone that made me feel really bad about myself. And when I say really bad…I mean like severe-depression-bad. He called me an extremely mean name and showed me little to no affection. Did he have his own personal reasons for doing it? Yes. And those reasons convinced me that the deterioration of our relationship was my fault and I deserved his horrible treatment.
The other day my friend Alessia took the idiot — I mean guy — she’s dating out for his 30th birthday. While at the dinner that she paid for, she handed him his birthday gift: a pair of Yankee/Mets tickets. He looked mildly pleased with her one hundred forty dollar gift and said “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. I just can’t believe I’m going to the game with a Met fan,” she teased.
As I’ve said before, I’m the type of girl who’s pretty much incapable of dating more than one guy at a time. If I like you, you’re it for me — Until I dislike you.
That being said, I had been dating a guy for a couple of weeks, and decided that I wanted to spend my time with him and him, alone. I text messaged the two or three people I was hanging out with here and there, and told them that I had met someone and wanted to see where it was going to go.
One guy, Dave, was really understanding about it.
“That’s cool. I’m sort of seeing someone myself,” he responded.
I’ve always been fairly traditional when it comes to relationships: You see each other, then you see each other exclusively as boyfriend and girlfriend, then you eventually become engaged, then you walk down the aisle and get married, and then you start popping out mini-me’s. I don’t hate on people who don’t do things in that exact order (heavy on the last two), but I, myself, would like my life to pan out that way.
All I keep hearing about is how Kourtney Kardashian refuses to marry Scott Disick. Personally, I don’t give a flying fudge what Kourtney Kardashian does, especially after the whole Kim Kardashian/Chris Humphries wedding debacle (another blog, another blog). But inquiring minds want to know: Why won’t she marry this guy who she is clearly in love with enough to live with and have not one but two children with?
Women have been trying to figure out the “Why has he changed?” phenomenon for centuries. Sadly, the “Don’t worry about it” advice just won’t cut it. Telling a girl not to worry about it is like telling a person that they can think about anything but a pink elephant. Come on.
So, instead, my friend Melissa and I came up with some pretty great analogies to the suck-fest that is a declining brand new relationship.
Analogies that can be made when considering the beginning and end of a relationship:
1. When you get dressed up and made up to go out on the town with your girlfriends. At the beginning of the night, you look like a rock star. Awesome makeup, hot outfit (including stilettos), and flawless hair. You take pictures, get some drinks, dance. Before you know it, the entire night has gone by and you’re now stumbling out of the club, holding what have to be the most painful shoes ever made in your hand, eye makeup looking raccoon-like, and hair resembling Diana Ross. Great at the beginning, shitty before you know it. Continue reading →