Go from Rejectional to Exceptional (Part 2)

Featured

This is a continuation of my previous post, Go from Rejectional to Exceptional (Part 1), which explains how I am doing my best-friend-duty to find Jason a girlfriend by writing to girls on PlentyofFish.com. Here we go again:

In the second paragraph I ask questions about her life (LIFE not DAY). This is a very common mistake guys make. Listen, buddy, I don’t care how hot you are. No girl wants to discuss her mood or her day in the first message with a complete stranger. That’s something way more intimate than guys can comprehend, and isn’t likely going to be shared immediately. Whenever I’d get a message like “How’s your day going, beautiful?” I’d usually delete it. It shows that a guy simply looked at your picture and not your profile and most likely is trying to sleep with you. Continue reading

Go from Rejectional to Exceptional (Part 1)

Featured

Anne

So lately I have been on a covert mission to get my best friend, Jason, a girlfriend. After years of hearing him complain about PlentyofFish.com, the site where I met my boyfriend, I finally decided to give him some help.

After getting his username and password, I began searching for girls who I think would be a good fit for Jason (cute, family-oriented, well-rounded, good job, short). Once I find a suitable prospect, I send him a screen shot of her picture. (He couldn’t care less about her profile). If he gives me the ‘okay’, I send the girl a message. Continue reading

Drowning On A Bad First Date

Featured

toilet

This is a post about a bad date worthy of a movie, the kind I was accustomed to having way back when…

Last week, my friend Alan went on a first date with Jill, a girl he met online. Unlike traditional means, they decided to watch a movie at her apartment. While he was on his way to her, she called him.

“Do you think you can fix my toilet?” she asked, randomly. “It’s not really working the right way.”

Continue reading

Is That Your Thong Wrapped Around My Chihuahua’s Head?

Featured

BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA (2008)<br /><br /><br />
PIPER PERABO (left), CHLOE (right)My friend Marissa (the fake belly dancer) told me a hilarious story that reminded me of one of my favorite episodes of Frasier.

One morning, after spending the night with her boyfriend, she started getting dressed to go home. Unfortunately, she was missing something: her thong. She looked all over his room, and then eventually gave up and left the house commando.

Later that day, her boyfriend called her hysterically laughing. Continue reading

Fel-Lay-She-Oh-No!

Featured

The following is a guest post from a JenAndMen reader (who I’ll call Frank). Frank emailed me at JenAndMen@hotmail.com to tell me about a time he was caught by an uncle of his girlfriend-at-the-time, while she was…well, while she was doing something that no one would ever want their uncle to see…

Continue reading

I Met A Guy In Real Life That I Had Previously Rejected Online

So I recently went to a bar with my friend Maria. As we were standing there talking, I saw a cute guy (who I’ll call Marcus) walking toward us.
Oh God, I thought. Now I’m gonna have to hear this one talk and then send him on his way.
Maria was acting differently toward him then she usually acts. After a few seconds of hearing them speak, I realized that they knew each other. Figuring he must be a good guy, I immediately began to lose my “bitch face” and smile a little more. (It turned out that Marcus was a good friend of the guy she just started seeing.)
After he asked what we were drinking and ordered two more for us (yay!), I grabbed his shoulders and angled his body in my direction. “Memorize my face. Do you know me? Because you look really familiar,” I said.

“You do look familiar to me…But I don’t think we’ve ever met before,” he said, laughing at my request to “memorize my face.”

 

Continue reading

What Your Online Dating Profile Photos Should *Not* Look Like, Guys

Featured

I am constantly shocked by the horrid photos I come across while fishing through my messages on online dating sites. And I’m not just talking about the standard kissy-faced, idiotic shots of ugly people. I’m talking about over-the-top, jaw-dropping photos that make you say, “Are you kidding?!” aloud and immediate email the photo to your friends.

1. Flexing Shirtless-In-The-Bathroom-Mirror 

Dude, you don’t look good. The sooner you accept this, the sooner we can all move on to your normal photos. First of all, I don’t know who told you that putting up a picture with a TOILET in the background was sexy… Continue reading

A Guy On POF Told ME How To Improve MY Online Dating Profile!!!

So if you’re an avid JenAndMen reader, and have seen I’m Not Interested In You, I’m Interested In Fixing Your Online Dating Profile, then you’ll know what a huge hypocrit I am by the time you finish reading this post.

The other day, I was HORRIFIED by a Plenty of Fish message. Unlike my usual array of complimentary gushes, this one was a guy who clearly never gets laid.

The message was from an incredibly mediocre-looking guy, with an even less exciting profile. I opened up the message, skimmed it like I always do, and immediately felt my jaw drop.

Continue reading

“Jen, Do You Date Just For Blog Material?”

Many guys I meet online are very concerned about my reason for having an online dating profile. Anxious about whether or not I’m actually on there for a sincere reason, they ask me if I’m on Plenty Of Fish with the sole purpose of getting material for JenAndMen — to which I answer: NO! Okay, do I get a little antsy from lack of material when I’m dating one person for awhile? Yes. But I just start writing stories about my friends’ love lives, or talk about popular relationship topics that are a bit more obscure than writing about specific dates in my own life. My blog doesn’t revolve around me going on random dates with crazy people (although it just so happens to occur enough that you see a lot of posts relating to that topic).

Continue reading

Hypothetically Running Away From Someone Online

Do you have any idea how disappointing it is to see that you have 100 messages in your online dating profile inbox and the come to find that 90 of them are from people who look like they just escaped from jail or perhaps a mental hospital?

I’m physically shocked as men with tattoos on their face tell me that I’m as beautiful as the sunrise and morbidly obese guys say that they think “we’d really click.” The only thing I’m clicking is the “x” on my computer to shield my eyes from the ugliness before them. Continue reading

*Of Course* You Always Lie About Dating Multiple People!

As I mentioned in Dating Is Like Interviewing And Being Interviewed All At Once, if you’re talking to multiple people, you’re obviously going to go on multiple dates a week. (Hell, I used to go on multiple dates a day). This is fine. Time-consuming and a bit tiring, but fine. There is one golden rule that must always be followed at all times though: Never tell the guy/girl you’re dating that you are also dating other people.

My friend Zack recently took a girl he met on POF out for coffee. Somehow the topic of “second chances” got brought up, and the girl turned to him and casually said, “Oh yeah, I’m a firm believer in second chances. For example, this guy that I met on the site pissed me off last week, but he apologized so I decided to give him a second chance and go out on a date with him tomorrow.”

Zack looked at her with disgust. Scrunching up his face, he thought maybe he misheard her. “Did you just tell me that you’re going on a date with a different guy tomorrow?” he asked.

Continue reading

Dating Is Like Interviewing & Being Interviewed All At Once

When you’re on an online dating site (or even if you’re not), you’re clearly going to be dating multiple people. If a girl tells a guy, “Hey, it’s hard to talk on here. Why don’t you take my number,” then she most likely has also said that to 5 other guys that day. I’m not saying she doesn’t like you, I’m just saying you’re not the only one she likes.

If you’re on a site like Plenty of Fish or OKCupid, it usually means that you’re serious about finding a relationship (or, at the very least, someone you’re compatible with and like hang out with). Therefore, what would be the point of seeing a cute guy/girl, sending two or three messages back and forth, exchanging phone numbers, and ignoring the other 400 messages in your inbox?

Continue reading

The Shame Of Being Recognized On A Dating Site

A JenAndMen reader named Anna recently sent an email to JenAndMen@hotmail.com, sharing her hatred of being seen by someone she knows on a dating site. I think it’s a great topic to discuss because, with the amount of people on these online dating sites these days, you’re bound to run into people you know (I certainly have). The following is from her:

This has happened to me on more than one occasion and for some reason I can’t seem to stomach it. It’s probably because I am just not comfortable with others knowing I’m on dating sites like Plenty of Fish and OKCupid.

Continue reading

Oh God, Let Me Choke On My Chicken So I Don’t Have To Withstand Another Minute Of This Date

A couple months ago, I went on a first date with a guy that I met online. (I’ve called him Bill in another post, “Jen, I Hate Your Red Hair”… “Jerk, I Hate Your Black Soul”.) As we chatted over appetizers, I asked the question I always ask guys I’ve met from POF: So tell me your most horrifying online dating experience.

He proceeded to tell me about a girl (or should I say woman) he met after sending messages back and forth. She had asked him to meet her at her apartment (which is never a good sign) one night after work. When he got there, a heavyset woman in her thirties answered the door.

“Hi, I’m looking for Gina,” Bill said.

“Hey, it’s me,” the woman replied.

They talked on her couch for an hour, and then Bill said he had to head out.

“Why are you leaving?” she asked.

“Well, to be honest with you, you’re a lot older and heavier than you were in the pictures you put up in your profile,” Bill said. “Don’t you think you were deceptive by putting up old pictures?”

Continue reading

What A Rockstar Online Dating Profile Looks Like, Ladies (Part 2)

In my About Me section, I hit on key areas about myself without sounding too self-loving (I know, I know, ironic). I talk about the facts that I dye my hair like the Little Mermaid (because who doesn’t love a Disney chick?), that I was on z100 promoting my blog (to show them that this isn’t some EMO “Oo, look at me, I’m gonna draw fake teardrops on my face and tell people I have a ‘blog’ blog), and that I’m really sarcastic (because if you don’t like sarcasm, you don’t like me.)

 

Guys love 3 things from their girlfriends (or potential girlfriends): cupcakes, cuddling, and, well, this is a PG13 blog, so you could guess the third one. Because of this well-known fact, I, naturally, mentioned that I’m a “rockstar cuddler, girlfriend, and cupcake-maker.” This makes guys think “Oh my God, I could sit and eat a batch of cupcakes while cuddling with my girlfriend after we [do that third thing]. Of course, if it’s his girlfriend, chances are there won’t be any of that third thing going on, but, hey, cupcakes freaking rock, man.

Continue reading