I am constantly shocked by the horrid photos I come across while fishing through my messages on online dating sites. And I’m not just talking about the standard kissy-faced, idiotic shots of ugly people. I’m talking about over-the-top, jaw-dropping photos that make you say, “Are you kidding?!” aloud and immediate email the photo to your friends.
1. Flexing Shirtless-In-The-Bathroom-Mirror
Dude, you don’t look good. The sooner you accept this, the sooner we can all move on to your normal photos. First of all, I don’t know who told you that putting up a picture with a TOILET in the background was sexy… Continue reading
So if you’re an avid JenAndMen reader, and have seen I’m Not Interested In You, I’m Interested In Fixing Your Online Dating Profile, then you’ll know what a huge hypocrit I am by the time you finish reading this post.
The other day, I was HORRIFIED by a Plenty of Fish message. Unlike my usual array of complimentary gushes, this one was a guy who clearly never gets laid.
The message was from an incredibly mediocre-looking guy, with an even less exciting profile. I opened up the message, skimmed it like I always do, and immediately felt my jaw drop.
In my About Me section, I hit on key areas about myself without sounding too self-loving (I know, I know, ironic). I talk about the facts that I dye my hair like the Little Mermaid (because who doesn’t love a Disney chick?), that I was on z100 promoting my blog (to show them that this isn’t some EMO “Oo, look at me, I’m gonna draw fake teardrops on my face and tell people I have a ‘blog’ blog), and that I’m really sarcastic (because if you don’t like sarcasm, you don’t like me.)
Guys love 3 things from their girlfriends (or potential girlfriends): cupcakes, cuddling, and, well, this is a PG13 blog, so you could guess the third one. Because of this well-known fact, I, naturally, mentioned that I’m a “rockstar cuddler, girlfriend, and cupcake-maker.” This makes guys think “Oh my God, I could sit and eat a batch of cupcakes while cuddling with my girlfriend after we [do that third thing]. Of course, if it’s his girlfriend, chances are there won’t be any of that third thing going on, but, hey, cupcakes freaking rock, man.
A JenAndMen reader named Maria recently asked me to post my PlentyOfFish.com profile on my blog so that she could get some tips. I always thought guys were just trying to butter me up when they said that my profile is the best one they’ve seen on POF (and they probably were), until I saw some other girls’ profiles. How?, you may ask. Because my guy friends are just as bitchy as me and send me the links to girls’ profiles that are so outrageously ridiculous that they must be publicly mocked (I won’t though).
There are 4 sections to most online dating profiles: Photos, Interests, About Me, and your ideal First Date. Before I show you my profile, I’d first like to explain why I chose to post what I did…
First of all, my username is Jennifer paired with the numbers of my birthday. I don’t know who these girls think they are with their little 2006 myspace names like “cutieEforuU” or “h0TTieUveBeEnDrEamin0f.” I also made my headline “Looking for chemistry” and not “couLd y0Uu bE mYy s0uLmaTeEe?[=” (because it’s not complete without the backwards smiley face). Control yourselves, ladies. For all our sakes.
In my Photos
section, I made sure to choose pictures of me always looking Continue reading