Stares Near The Stairs

I never have boyfriends. I date, I kiss, I fall in love. But rarely do I accept when boys ask me to “be their girlfriend.” There’s just something about the finality of it all that freaks me out and leaves feeling trapped and suffocated.

Do I make out with multiple guys if I’m seeing someone? No. But in my sick and twisted mind, I technically on-paper could.

Anyway, the irony of all irony occurred 2 days after officially becoming someone’s girlfriend.

While having dinner with my cousin, I complained about my boyfriend and told her how differently I thought he’d treat me if I officially committed to him. She bitched about her boyfriend also and, before we knew it, we polished off a bottle of wine.

Continue reading

He Fake Invited Me On A Trip

One morning Cal the Cop text messaged me that he was drunk-golfing with his best friend, Joe. A few hours later, I received a text that drunk-golfing had turned into drunk-trip planning, and the two of them were sobering up and heading down to Atlantic City for the night.

“You should come,” he said.

“Nah, I’m not cool enough to ride in a Camaro,” I replied, knowing full-well he was just messing with my head as per usual.

Continue reading

“Jen, How Do You Dump Every Guy You Date Within 3 Weeks & Not Care?”

If you’re a JenAndMen reader, you know that this title is completely inaccurate. Ironically, a guy I used to date back in the day asked me this question a couple weeks ago. I was truly surprised to hear that that’s what he thought. But when I told another guy friend of mine, he said that it appears to the world that this is, in fact, my M.O.

Continue reading

My Friend’s One-Finger-Stand

XXX: You know the drill — If you’re old or really young or related to me STOP READING THIS POST IMMEDIATELY!!!

The other night I had dinner with two of my girlfriends. I know them from back back back in the day when the three of us used to work together. We try and get together every six months or so to catch up. Since so much time passes, we literally talk for hours straight, sharing all of our stories.

Cynthia had one story that literally had me and Michelle in tears.

“So did I tell you about my one-night stand in Atlantic City?”

Continue reading

I Lost a Little Bit of Dignity and, More Importantly, A Little Bit of L&B Pizza

The Age-Old Question Has Finally Been Answered: Jen Chooses Guys Over Food

Before I even write this post, I feel that I must preface by saying that the guy I leapt out of my seat for did not look like this dude. But this photo was so beautiful I physically could not control myself.

Continue reading

Isn’t It Funny How The Hardest Person To Give Advice To Is The One In The Mirror

Most of my best friends have the exact same relationship problems as I do: Their boyfriend sucks and they can’t or won’t leave him.

Alexa’s boyfriend is unbelievably emotionally abusive, and has been physically abusive in the past.

Betty’s sort-of boyfriend is possibly married because he has never taken her out on a date and refuses to spend the night, occasionally disappearing for weeks at a time.

Lorraine broke up with her boyfriend and got a phone call from her landlord, telling her that he was in her apartment going through her stuff. She had to change the locks.

Continue reading

Being Easy To Talk To Isn’t Always A Good Thing

Has a friend ever made a comment about your life that was so dead-on that you were shocked you never came to the realization yourself? That happened to me this morning. Christine and I were having our morning phone conversation (aka me venting to her) and she turned around and came out with a statement that left me speechless (something that’s very hard to do).

“Every guy you date has some problem with you…and they have absolutely no issue with telling you what it is. And I can’t freaking stand it.”

Continue reading

Guys Who Make You Believe You Don’t Deserve To Be Treated Well

I wrote “guys” in the title, but the truth is there are girls who do it to their boyfriends, also. Most of my blog posts are rants about bad dates, assholes, or going on bad dates with assholes. Sometimes I whine about being single. Every once in a while (hint hint, now) I’ll have a Hallmark card moment and write something uplifting. So prepare to be freaking uplifted, or at least pretend so I feel like I did my good deed for the day.

I recently dated someone that made me feel really bad about myself. And when I say really bad…I mean like severe-depression-bad. He called me an extremely mean name and showed me little to no affection. Did he have his own personal reasons for doing it? Yes. And those reasons convinced me that the deterioration of our relationship was my fault and I deserved his horrible treatment.

Continue reading

“I Have An EXTRA Ticket! EXTRA Ticket!”

The other day my friend Alessia took the idiot — I mean guy — she’s dating out for his 30th birthday. While at the dinner that she paid for, she handed him his birthday gift: a pair of Yankee/Mets tickets. He looked mildly pleased with her one hundred forty dollar gift and said “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I just can’t believe I’m going to the game with a Met fan,” she teased.

“Who said you’re going to the game?” he asked.

Continue reading