When Having Alley Sex With A Hooker, Always Be Sure To Look For A Five O’Clock Shadow

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I have a bunch of friends that work in the sanitation department – and let me tell you…those guys have some stories.

One night at four in the morning, one of the guys, who I’ll call Lou, came across a hooker.

“For thirty bucks I’ll give you a blowjob,” she said.

“Frank, you gotta let me borrow thirty bucks,” Lou said to his coworker. “I promise I’ll finish the rest of the route.” Continue reading

Oh God, Let Me Choke On My Chicken So I Don’t Have To Withstand Another Minute Of This Date

A couple months ago, I went on a first date with a guy that I met online. (I’ve called him Bill in another post, “Jen, I Hate Your Red Hair”… “Jerk, I Hate Your Black Soul”.) As we chatted over appetizers, I asked the question I always ask guys I’ve met from POF: So tell me your most horrifying online dating experience.

He proceeded to tell me about a girl (or should I say woman) he met after sending messages back and forth. She had asked him to meet her at her apartment (which is never a good sign) one night after work. When he got there, a heavyset woman in her thirties answered the door.

“Hi, I’m looking for Gina,” Bill said.

“Hey, it’s me,” the woman replied.

They talked on her couch for an hour, and then Bill said he had to head out.

“Why are you leaving?” she asked.

“Well, to be honest with you, you’re a lot older and heavier than you were in the pictures you put up in your profile,” Bill said. “Don’t you think you were deceptive by putting up old pictures?”

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