Hot People Get Away With More Because We Like Looking At Them

The other night, I was hanging out in my friend Mike’s apartment talking about the girls he’s messaged on OKCupid. He proceeded to tell me about this one hot chick whose username was something like PeasOnMyFace44.

“Yeah, her profile was really fucked up. She said she likes drinking and taking Xanax. And, let’s not overlook the username. She spelled it like the vegetable, but she’s still a fucking freak. (3 second pause) So then when I messaged her…”

“Waittttt a second,” I said, throwing my hand up. “You typical freaking guy. I knew you were gonna end this story with you messaging her!”

“Well, she was really hot,” Mike said, shrugging. Continue reading

Good-Looking By Association

Have you ever noticed that sometimes a less-than-amazing-looking person automatically gets extra hot points simply for being in the vicinity of good-looking friends?

I was recently out to dinner with a friend of mine when I saw a good-looking guy sitting on the other side of the restaurant. He was with another guy.

Without even seeing the face of the man who had his back to us, Melissa and I decided he was cute. The decision was made by the combination of him having a nicely shaped head, acceptable haircut, business attire and, as I said, good-looking dinner company. Had one of those variables been different, the outcome may have changed.

This is not the first time this has happened, either. And I saw the guys’ faces!

How often have my friends and I met a group of cute guys, with their standard less-attractive friend mixed into the crowd, only to be carried by his friends? As much as I love him, the Joey Fatone of the group, if I may. I always wonder how it happened. Have they been friends since childhood? Do they feel bad for the poor, unfortunate-looking guy? Are they just not as judgmental as girls?

The way I see it, being the less cute version of your friends (while still being a huge part of the party) is kind of like being Continue reading

“Can I Just Say: I’m So Glad You Don’t Look Like A Gargoyle”

I have spoken about this before, but I recently heard two new terrifying tales regarding the horrors of online dating. Both were the outcome of the same trickery – the girl’s pictures were from the neck up.

I cannot stress this enough: Never…never meet someone who only has head shots. It is absolutely never a good idea. I mean, think about it – how unbelievably chubby do these girls have to be if they physically cannot bring themselves to put up a picture of their body? If they think that the second you see them your going to go running in the other direction – then you probably will.

My friend Kyle recently told me a story about two different online dating experiences he’s had. Both bad, both could have been avoided. Both looked like the hobbit from the hobbit movie trailer. He made several mistakes that I hope he has learned from today.

Continue reading