This is a continuation of my previous post, Go from Rejectional to Exceptional (Part 1), which explains how I am doing my best-friend-duty to find Jason a girlfriend by writing to girls on PlentyofFish.com. Here we go again:
In the second paragraph I ask questions about her life (LIFE not DAY). This is a very common mistake guys make. Listen, buddy, I don’t care how hot you are. No girl wants to discuss her mood or her day in the first message with a complete stranger. That’s something way more intimate than guys can comprehend, and isn’t likely going to be shared immediately. Whenever I’d get a message like “How’s your day going, beautiful?” I’d usually delete it. It shows that a guy simply looked at your picture and not your profile and most likely is trying to sleep with you. Continue reading
So lately I have been on a covert mission to get my best friend, Jason, a girlfriend. After years of hearing him complain about PlentyofFish.com, the site where I met my boyfriend, I finally decided to give him some help.
After getting his username and password, I began searching for girls who I think would be a good fit for Jason (cute, family-oriented, well-rounded, good job, short). Once I find a suitable prospect, I send him a screen shot of her picture. (He couldn’t care less about her profile). If he gives me the ‘okay’, I send the girl a message. Continue reading
This is a post about a bad date worthy of a movie, the kind I was accustomed to having way back when…
Last week, my friend Alan went on a first date with Jill, a girl he met online. Unlike traditional means, they decided to watch a movie at her apartment. While he was on his way to her, she called him.
“Do you think you can fix my toilet?” she asked, randomly. “It’s not really working the right way.”
For the first time ever, I went on a romantic couple’s vacation. My boyfriend, Mark, took me to Jamaica last week. Because he is the outdoorsy type, we did some pretty crazy stuff, including ziplining, river-tubing, and climbing a waterfall. I, myself, prefer calmer activities — massages, poolside sunbathing, and peaceful kayaking off the shoreline. Well, the massage was painful as Hell, I got an insane sunburn, and the damn kayaking almost killed me! Ironic, I know.
I was mocked by the Water Sports Activities’ director the second I strapped the life vest on (with his help) and sat down in the boat. Continue reading
I hate when I laugh out loud in a movie when everyone else is silent.
About a week ago, my boyfriend, Mark, and I went to see the movie “This is 40″. Paul Rudd, the star, plays the owner of a music studio. He talks about how much he loves Simon & Garfunkel. When he and his wife get into a fight, he calls the awkward silence “The Sounds of Silence”, Simon & Garfunkel’s most famous song.
Naturally, I laughed hysterically. There was only one problem — I was the only one Continue reading
Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I will spend my money on just about anything. I will not, however, give my local movie theater one more dime! Back in the day, when I was 15, movies cost $6! Now it’s $15 just to walk in the door! (Wow, I’m old.) God forbid if you want to see something in 3D!
This is why I bring my own snacks, ghetto-style, to the movies. I sneak in candy, drinks, and other treats. I used to bring water bottles or M&Ms, but now I’m daring with cans of soda and bags of Butterfingers minis.
When I proudly told my cousin about my deviousness, she said, “Candy and soda? You’re an amateur! I pop my own popcorn and bring it in a ziplock baggie!” Continue reading
Last month, my friend Jill spent the night with the guy she was seeing, Kyle. There was only problem: His parents were extremely strict and she wasn’t actually allowed to be there.
They were planning on beating the system by waking up at 7AM, before his parents woke up. Naturally, they overslept.
At 9:30AM, Jill called our friend Marissa.
“Mariss, you have to come get me,” she frantically whispered. I’m hiding out in Kyle’s basement until his parents go out to breakfast.” Continue reading
One morning, after spending the night with her boyfriend, she started getting dressed to go home. Unfortunately, she was missing something: her thong. She looked all over his room, and then eventually gave up and left the house commando.
Later that day, her boyfriend called her hysterically laughing. Continue reading
The following is a guest post from a JenAndMen reader (who I’ll call Frank). Frank emailed me at JenAndMen@hotmail.com to tell me about a time he was caught by an uncle of his girlfriend-at-the-time, while she was…well, while she was doing something that no one would ever want their uncle to see…
Two of my good friends, Lucy and Jack, went on vacation to Aruba a few years ago. They had a beautiful room, but were a little annoyed that it wasn’t beachfront but, rather, on the third floor. Rather than let it ruin their trip, they decided to see the light in the situation — privacy.
One afternoon after going for a swim they decided to “consummate their love”. Anyway, after about a half hour, Jack saw something in the corner of his eye, which made both of them turn toward the window. Horrified, they came to a realization: Close the curtains even if your room isn’t on the ground level. Continue reading
As you already know, my boyfriend, Mark, and I are constantly disgusting those around us by canoodling, kissing, and gazing into each other’s eyes. I was hoping it would get better but I actually think it somehow got worse.
I never have boyfriends. I date, I kiss, I fall in love. But rarely do I accept when boys ask me to “be their girlfriend.” There’s just something about the finality of it all that freaks me out and leaves feeling trapped and suffocated.
Do I make out with multiple guys if I’m seeing someone? No. But in my sick and twisted mind, I technically on-paper could.
Anyway, the irony of all irony occurred 2 days after officially becoming someone’s girlfriend.
While having dinner with my cousin, I complained about my boyfriend and told her how differently I thought he’d treat me if I officially committed to him. She bitched about her boyfriend also and, before we knew it, we polished off a bottle of wine.
When I was sixteen, I decided that I wanted to see what all the hubbub what about when it came to hickeys. People were always talking about them.
Who had one? Who did it come from? Who pretended it was a burn from a curling iron? Who got burned by her curling iron and pretended she got a hickey? The list went on and on.
I decided to take matters into my owns hands, or should I say neck? One afternoon, I informed my boyfriend, Chris, that he was going to give me a hickey.
“Okay,” he said without any hesitation (as any seventeen-year-old boy would respond), grabbed my head and shoulder, and leaned in like a vampire to complete the mission at hand.
“OW!!!” I screamed, pushing him off of me, and holding my neck. “What the Continue reading