First Fight Funk

So we all know how much it sucks to fight with a boyfriend or girlfriend. But it’s downright depressing when you have your very first fight with someone you just started dating. If you’re anything like me, several thoughts start swirling through your head: Should I let him know I’m mad? He’s not even my boyfriend, I don’t want him to think I’m crazy (yet). Is this going to keep happening if I end up with this guy? Should I end this now and cut my losses? Should I tell him I’m upset so he knows for future reference? What if I tell him and there is no future reference?

When some people get upset, they scream. Others cry, rationalize, talk things through, try to get revenge, etc, etc, etc. Whenever I get angry or sad or hurt (or all 3, which is usually the case), I do one of two things — and they’re basically variations of each other. I either (a) Go silent and make up an excuse to get off the phone/out of the restaurant or guy’s house or (2) Cut the guy off completely.

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Guys Tune Out Bitchiness The Way Girls Tune Out Sports Talk

It has taken me almost a decade of dating to finally realize that the guys I go out with completely ignore me the second they hear a bitchy tone in my voice. That is why I use my theater training to keep my voice steady whenever I am trying to get my point across. This usually fails me. Which is also why I tend to do most of my arguing through the ever-so-impersonal text messaging.

I don’t know if it’s from growing up in a huge, Italian family, loving and practicing acting, or the fact that I was once a teacher, but those who know me will contest to the fact that I tend to have a somewhat big mouth. Okay, okay, a very big mouth. I find it difficult being able to stay quiet when I know that what I have to say is of the utmost importance. And even more difficult when this very important thing is something that I’m upset about.

I tend to get a little emotional, and my voice…well, it projects, if you will, a tad bit more than usual. This is construed as my “bitch voice.” Similar to a bitch face, in which everyone knows not to come near me, a bitch voice makes the guy I’m dating want to hide from me. The second he hears it, he immediately senses that he should be fearful and, therefore, his defenses go up.

He immediately begins backing away from me (physically or emotionally or both) and tunes out whatever it is I’m yelling about. I start to sound like the teacher in Charlie Brown and, subsequently, all he hears is “Blah blah blah” and all he thinks is Wow, my girlfriend is a real bitch. Continue reading