Shushing Me And Other Things That Will Get You Killed

I was once on a date with a guy that I had been talking to for a few weeks. We went to my favorite Italian restaurant. Seated in the backhand corner at a small table, we were eating fried calamari when it happened…The incident.

I was mid-story (which involved reeneacting a scene in which my finger was pointed up at his face) when he reached out about halfway over the table (where my finger was), grabbed onto it, and pulled it down.

My jaw dropped faster than my finger.

“Did you just pull my finger down?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Yeah. People thought you were yelling at me. They look over and see your finger in my face like that.” Continue reading

Not-So-Bootiful Booty Calls

My friend Jack told me two quite disturbing tales today. Both left me with my jaw dropped in utter disgust.

Tale #1: A few years ago, he was hanging out with a girl he had hooked up with a few times before. While they were in his room making out, he received a text from a girl he deemed to be “hotter.” This fool proceeds to kick his female caller out in order to make himself available for the next chick.

The girl, not being an idiot, obviously figured out what had happened and left infuriated, as would anyone. Until recently, she refused to speak to him for the past three years. Hmmm, I wonder if the second girl was worth it…

Tale #2: Jack went to college with a girl who was known to be…let’s say…loose. One night, she was feeling “lonely” and called up five – yes, five – guys telling them that they should drop by and have a little fun.

I’m not sure what happened to the other three (maybe they showed up later, maybe they didn’t like STDs), but two of the guys – who I’ll call Bob and Eddie – showed up at the same time. Continue reading