My friend Marissa (the fake belly dancer) told me a hilarious story that reminded me of one of my favorite episodes of Frasier.
One morning, after spending the night with her boyfriend, she started getting dressed to go home. Unfortunately, she was missing something: her thong. She looked all over his room, and then eventually gave up and left the house commando.
My friend Jack recently took up the guitar. One morning, he woke up at his girlfriend Lucy’s house and decided to sneak into the living room in his underwear to practice.
As he sat there playing a Greenday song, he heard the jingling of a lock. In walked Lucy’s parents, holding cleaning supplies and breakfast (their weekly tradition which he had completely forgotten about).
The following is a guest post from a JenAndMen reader (who I’ll call Frank). Frank emailed me at JenAndMen@hotmail.com to tell me about a time he was caught by an uncle of his girlfriend-at-the-time, while she was…well, while she was doing something that no one would ever want their uncle to see…
Two of my good friends, Lucy and Jack, went on vacation to Aruba a few years ago. They had a beautiful room, but were a little annoyed that it wasn’t beachfront but, rather, on the third floor. Rather than let it ruin their trip, they decided to see the light in the situation — privacy.
One afternoon after going for a swim they decided to “consummate their love”. Anyway, after about a half hour, Jack saw something in the corner of his eye, which made both of them turn toward the window. Horrified, they came to a realization: Close the curtains even if your room isn’t on the ground level. Continue reading →
As you already know, my boyfriend, Mark, and I are constantly disgusting those around us by canoodling, kissing, and gazing into each other’s eyes. I was hoping it would get better but I actually think it somehow got worse.
A few nights ago I met Mark in Manhattan for dinner at Tony Dinapoli’s. We sat across from each other and held hands under the table and played footsie over the table. Not too bad, right? Okay there may have been minor gazing. A few air kisses. And one real kiss when I got up because I couldn’t resist any longer. Alright we’re disgusting. I’ll pay the dry cleaning bill for the shirt you just vomited on.
My friend Joe and I were discussing train flirting the other day. He had seen a really pretty girl on his way to work, and didn’t know if it was appropriate to say something to her.
While going back and forth about it, he came up with a really good line. If the girl got off at his stop, he’d say, “Listen, you really don’t have to stalk me. I’ll just give you my number, it’s okay.”
If you’ve ever been in love — or at the very least happy with someone — you can attest to the fact that the person you’re with can affect your entire mood. A fight can make your day miserable and making up can chase that black cloud away immediately.
I guess the real question is, How can someone that makes you feel so great also make you feel so horrible? They can make you feel like you’ve finally got it right; you’re not alone, weird, destined to die by yourself. Then, in the drop of a hat, something they say can make you feel all those things ten-fold, because you thought you had found the person you were meant to be with, and now you’re second-guessing them, the relationship, and yourself.
Girls always get the bad rep of having big mouths, but I’ve come to realize over the past 10 years of dating that I like guys a lot more when they’re completely silent. I have yet to come across a guy that didn’t piss me off at least three times a day. And that’s seriously low-balling it.
It’s as if they go out of their way to piss me off, hurt my feelings, disgust me, or flat out repulse me. I only date good looking guys, so really if they just called, texted, and spoke less, I really feel like we’d have a better shot.
This is just sad on my part. I was once talking to my friend Chris about a guy I had been seeing a couple weeks prior. The conversation turned to whether or not he was a good kisser. I proceeded to go into detail about his terrible kissing skills. Then I looked up at the name on my iPhone screen.
It. Wasn’t. Chris’.
I realized that I had been sending these texts to a new guy, David, I was talking to! FML isn’t even the word. Continue reading →
No, that quote is not made up. Sadly, it was said to me while on a first (and clearly sole) date with someone.
I once went on a date with someone I met in a bar. I had only spoken to him for a couple minutes when he told me he had to run and asked for my number. We texted for the next week, and spoke on the phone for a little over an hour one night. Then he asked if I wanted to go to dinner that weekend.
There’s nothing worse than a guy not approaching me in a bar or club because he thinks I’m dating my guy friend. It’s one thing to have a guy not want to approach me, but to miss out because my stupid friend keeps touching my back or arm is just infuriating!
A couple weeks ago, I went out to a bar with two of my friends (one male, one female). For whatever reason my male friend, Mike, kept grabbing my arm while he spoke to me, putting his hand on my back, etc. Now, I know what you’re thinking — and you’re wrong. Mike was actually into my girl friend! He just talks that way!
Three weeks ago I began talking to a guy that I used to date. Now you know why I usedto date him. Anyway, I was bored and sent him a cutesy text with 5 things I liked. (Greek salad, fuzzy socks, etc) and the fifth thing on the list was “When you entertain me.” I felt that it was less cheesy than saying “You” and sounded cute.
I got back a list of his 5 Likes, none of which had anything to do with me. When I jokingly inquired about this, I received THIS… Continue reading →