This is a continuation of my previous post, Go from Rejectional to Exceptional (Part 1), which explains how I am doing my best-friend-duty to find Jason a girlfriend by writing to girls on PlentyofFish.com. Here we go again:
In the second paragraph I ask questions about her life (LIFE not DAY). This is a very common mistake guys make. Listen, buddy, I don’t care how hot you are. No girl wants to discuss her mood or her day in the first message with a complete stranger. That’s something way more intimate than guys can comprehend, and isn’t likely going to be shared immediately. Whenever I’d get a message like “How’s your day going, beautiful?” I’d usually delete it. It shows that a guy simply looked at your picture and not your profile and most likely is trying to sleep with you.
Asking about someone’s life, however, is completely different. It shows an interest in her family, job, or interests. It shows you not only read her profile, but care about it (even if you don’t). If a girl doesn’t think you care (from the first message to the day you get married to the day she dies), she will shut down or, at the very least, the two you will have a dysfunctional relationship.
I usually say something like, “I see you’re in [insert profession here], what exactly does that entail?” Hitting upon her job is a safe bet (if you are someone who doesn’t want to go with a safe bet, you can try something more creative, like, “So under interests you wrote ‘riding horses. Is there a ranch in [insert her city] that I’m not aware of?” Both sound like you read her entire profile, and actually want to start a dialogue about her job or interests. Some guys know that they have to mention something, but don’t leave room for conversation. (ie: You’re an account, cool. *buzzer noise* Incorrect! The girl has already deleted your message.)
I usually try and add a statement about “myself” directly after this question or couple of question. For example, I’d follow it up with my own career or interests. (ie: Sounds like a very impressive position. I’m in [insert your profession], myself. Or, “I can’t say I’ve ever ridden a horse. Hope that doesn’t disqualify me ;)”
That brings me to another point. Faces. We know you’re trying to flirt. The message, alone, is flirtatious because you’re obviously sending it out interest. You don’t have to write 8 wink faces in 6 sentences. We don’t want ‘em, we don’t need ‘em. One at the end of a sentence is okay — but don’t do it every message. I’d say every 2nd or 3rd. Think of it this way: If you winked that much in person she’d think you had some sort of twitch, right?
And moving on to the goodbye. Much like the greeting, I also like to end it with a cute name for the guy, like, “Best, Yankee Fan” (if she also writes she loves the Yankees). I’ve also written “Best, Pug Lover” and “Best, Tennis Enthusiast” even though I doubt my friend knows what a pug is and has never played a game of tennis outside of the Wii in his life. Before someone tells me how dishonest this is, this tactic is simply to ensure getting a message back. When you’re engaged let her know your tennis knowledge consists of playing ping pong as a child and laugh about it.
If you follow my instructions and get a response, do not be alarmed. I know you’re not used to it. No, it’s not a mistake. I am just an awesome guru. Take a breath, and read what she responded with. Just because she wrote back, DOESN’T MEAN YOU GO BACK TO YOUR OLD WAYS OF INCOMPETENCE.
Re-read what you originally wrote to her, then see what she said back. Make sure you answer any questions she asked, and respond to any answers she gave you. (ie: “Oh, wow, I had no idea so much went into being an account. That sounds like a difficult job — is it stressful?” or “Wow, there’s a ranch right in the middle of the city? I had no idea. Thank God for pretty accounts or I’d never had known.” These responses show you read what she wrote, care, and want to answer her (and answer her, flirtatiously). She’ll like this; trust me. Why? Because it’s the second message and you’re showing interest in her message. Even worse than a guy writing “Hey gorgeous” in Message #1 is a guy who we actually gave a chance to and messaged back writing “Lol” or “Sounds good gorgeous” in Message #2. It’s very disappointing and you can bet your ass you won’t be getting to Message #3.
Well, that just about covers messaging a girl via an online dating website. If you have any additional questions, or want me to help you as well, email me at JenAndMen@hotmail.com.