Go from Rejectional to Exceptional (Part 1)


So lately I have been on a covert mission to get my best friend, Jason, a girlfriend. After years of hearing him complain about PlentyofFish.com, the site where I met my boyfriend, I finally decided to give him some help.

After getting his username and password, I began searching for girls who I think would be a good fit for Jason (cute, family-oriented, well-rounded, good job, short). Once I find a suitable prospect, I send him a screen shot of her picture. (He couldn’t care less about her profile). If he gives me the ‘okay’, I send the girl a message.

Writing the Message: Before sending a generic “Hey” or “Hi” to a pretty girl, I do something utterly crazy to most guys — I READ her profile. I know, I know. You haven’t read since sophomore year of high school, before you learned about SparkNotes.com. But, trust me, this isn’t exactly Wuthering Heights. Most girls are aware of guys’ inability and unwillingness to read about their interests, wants, and lives, so they tend to keep the “About Me” section short and sweet.

After reading to (A) make sure she’s not half an idiot and (B) understand what she’s looking for so as not to waste either her or his time, I start to do something else foreign to most guys on the site — I THINK ABOUT what I want to say before sending anything. Go back, back, way back to when you had to write essays in English class. Remember that thing called an outline? Thought your teacher was just bullshitting you, didn’t ya? Well, he/she was not. Outlines lead to marriages. Well, sometimes they do, anyway.

I make a quick outline of what the girl likes, does, and is interested in finding in a partner. I then make a cute name for her. For example, if she wrote about a love of mermaids, I’d say “Dear Little Mermaid,” and so on.

Now, onto the message itself. I usually like to write two short paragraphs, give or take. The first paragraph consists of telling the girl how genuine I think she is (even if I, am not lol), and explaining that I messaged her because we share one particular thing in common (usually being family-oriented or enjoying exercising). Occasionally I’ll toss in another, but I don’t want to bombard her with a “OMG we are totally soulmates because I love every single thing you do” message. It seems fake; ironic, I know.