Try And Push Your Penis On Me & All You’ll Get Is My Cold Shoulder

Do we all remember the post I’ll Totally Trade You A Green Card For A Diamond Ring? Well, I never did post about the couple of dates I went on with that gorgeous foreign guy, Lorenzo, and how he told me he was going to rape me. No, you didn’t misread that. He also stopped talking to me when I wouldn’t sleep with him. On our second date.

I’ll do things a bit backwards, seeing as how I just ran into him and my hands are shaking, and post the end of the story first.

I walked up to my friend’s place today looking like death. No makeup, hair in a bun, jeans, boots, nothing shirt. I lifted my head to make sure I was climbing up the right stoop, when there he was.

Cute as ever, staring at me.

“Hey, Jen,” Lorenzo said.

“Hey,” I said coldly, still in disbelief that he was standing in front of me, and I looked so shitty. (The fact strikes again!) He was obviously heading in to hang out with my friend’s brother (how I met him in the first place).

“How are you?” he asked, quietly.

How am I? Really?? Fucking really?! I wanted to reply, but instead I gave him a cold, “I’m good” and waited for him to ring the bell.

When the buzzer sounded, he opened the door and stood back to let me walk in before him. Oh, so now you feel like being a gentleman, huh?

I walked about 72 steps ahead of him and went through her apartment door without waiting the extra minute for him to catch up. Then I walked straight into my friend’s living room, mouthed “OHHHH MYYYYY GODDDDD” with my eyes bulged out, and quickly shuffled into her bedroom, where I practically hit heads with him. He apologized and I kept walking.

Then he came into my friend’s bedroom to say ‘Hello’ and completely pretended he didn’t see me sitting on her bed.

This is the problem with dating people that you can (and will) run into again. It will forever be awkward and then it becomes awkward for the mutual friends, as well.

All I know is, I wanted him to see me looking ravashing, and now I’m just pissed even more than I already was. FML.

Have you ever dated a mutual friend, broke up, and ran into them while looking like shit?

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