One morning Cal the Cop text messaged me that he was drunk-golfing with his best friend, Joe. A few hours later, I received a text that drunk-golfing had turned into drunk-trip planning, and the two of them were sobering up and heading down to Atlantic City for the night.
“You should come,” he said.
“Nah, I’m not cool enough to ride in a Camaro,” I replied, knowing full-well he was just messing with my head as per usual.
“Come on, it’ll be fun,” he replied.
Hmm was he serious, after all? My mind immediately began searching for his angle. That’s when it hit me — the best friend must be bringing his girlfriend and Cal the Cop didn’t want to be a third wheel. Of course. Why didn’t I think of it sooner?
When I asked him, he told me that it was just the two of them, and that he needed me.
“There it is,” I responded, barely glancing at the first half of his answer.
“There what is?” he asked.
“You only want me to come so you won’t have to be the third wheel,” I huffed.
“Jen, how does me plus Joe equal three?” he asked.
In my fatigue and anger I had completely made up what I thought he had said. Feeling like a fool, I apologized but told him I couldn’t go because I had dinner plans. Did I tell him that the dinner plans were with my parents and 90-year-old grandmother? Hell no!
The following day, Cal the Cop texted me again. What, was he snorting cocaine or something?
“Hey Jenny. You should have come with me.”
“You know, you’re a very funny guy. You won’t take me out to dinner, but you’re surprised when I don’t go with you to sleep over in another state.
“Lol I wasn’t surprised. I knew you wouldn’t come to AC. That’s why I asked you from the parkway.”
My entire world spun out of control upon reading those last 8 words. He WHATTT?!?!
How I didn’t completely lose my shit in the bar I was standing in is beyond me. That deuchebag FAKE invited me to go on a trip. God only knows what he would have done had I acted pathetically and changed all my plans to go with him. Probably die of a heart attack!
Has anyone ever fake asked you on a date or trip?