I am constantly shocked by the horrid photos I come across while fishing through my messages on online dating sites. And I’m not just talking about the standard kissy-faced, idiotic shots of ugly people. I’m talking about over-the-top, jaw-dropping photos that make you say, “Are you kidding?!” aloud and immediate email the photo to your friends.
1. Flexing Shirtless-In-The-Bathroom-Mirror
Dude, you don’t look good. The sooner you accept this, the sooner we can all move on to your normal photos. First of all, I don’t know who told you that putting up a picture with a TOILET in the background was sexy…The fact that nine times out of ten it’s a PUBLIC toilet makes it that much worse. No one wants to see your scrawny arms squeezed to full-capacity. Anyone can look like they have muscles if they do that (even me). Hell, even if you have muscles, we don’t want to see them flexed like that in a public bathroom. I don’t care if you’re Arnold freaking Schwarzenegger, your arms are not so impressive that girls can let this fact go.
2. Holding A Twenty-Seven Gallon Bottle of Alcohol
Do you honestly believe that showing girls how hard you party is going to make us want you? When I see all your pictures with alcohol, especially with over-sized bottles, all I think is, (A) Alcoholic – Move on or (B) Loser trying to impress me with something ridiculous – Move on.
3. Surrounded By Girls In A Club
Similar to #2, showing me that you’re surrounded by girls in skimpy dresses in a club has the exact opposite effect that you want it to. I don’t think, Wow, he’s so cool. And look at the hot girls he can get. Instead, I think, Womanizer or Loser or both. Move on.
4. Shirtless and Fat On A Beach
Similar to #1, please put your shirt back on. You’re fat. I’m not sure why haven’t realized it at this point. Maybe your friends and family have been lying to you and/or your mirror is distorted. Maybe you have the opposite of Body Dysmorphia; I’m not sure. All I know is, you’re hurting everyone (including yourself) by putting these shirtless beach photos up. Maybe if you were wearing a shirt, I wouldn’t see your rolls and, by the time I meet you I’d like you enough to not care about them.
Really, dude? You honestly think this is an appropriate picture for an online dating profile. I can see the girl’s damn lips and nose, for God’s sake! I don’t even like seeing photos where you cut your girlfriend out at all. But cutting her out of a kissing picture? Have you no shame? Is this to show us that you’re a good kisser? Ugh, loser.
6. One Solo Shot & Ten Group Shots Where No One Can Pick You Out
Look, I get that you’re not very good looking. I understand it and I feel sorry for you. But to put one photo in which you’re 20 feet away from the camera and then 9 group shots is simply unacceptable. If you’re doing it because you’re self-conscious then you really need to get a grip, find your style, and gain some self-confidence because someone is going to like you for you if you just give her the chance. If you’re doing it because you want to look cool and show that you have lots and lots of friend, you’re a huge loser.
I’m not trying to insult Stars Wars fans. I know you guys are like a cult and I wouldn’t dare mess with you. But, really? To make your one and only photo be you dressed up in a Darth Vader costume? Do you honestly believe that this is going to get all the ladies? News flash, buddy, no girls are going near your light saber.
Did I miss weird photos guys (or girls) put up?