First Fight Funk

So we all know how much it sucks to fight with a boyfriend or girlfriend. But it’s downright depressing when you have your very first fight with someone you just started dating. If you’re anything like me, several thoughts start swirling through your head: Should I let him know I’m mad? He’s not even my boyfriend, I don’t want him to think I’m crazy (yet). Is this going to keep happening if I end up with this guy? Should I end this now and cut my losses? Should I tell him I’m upset so he knows for future reference? What if I tell him and there is no future reference?

When some people get upset, they scream. Others cry, rationalize, talk things through, try to get revenge, etc, etc, etc. Whenever I get angry or sad or hurt (or all 3, which is usually the case), I do one of two things — and they’re basically variations of each other. I either (a) Go silent and make up an excuse to get off the phone/out of the restaurant or guy’s house or (2) Cut the guy off completely.

I kind of wish I was one of those people who could forgive and forget, but I’m just not wired that way. My mother always taught me “Forgive, but never forget.” I’ve always only been good at the second half of that statement. I just find it so difficult to forgive someone after they’ve hurt me (which is why I have a list of about 5 close friends that I no longer speak to). I’m shocked when I hear stories about friends stealing other friends girlfriends and still staying close (I was one of those girlfriends once upon a time). I just don’t know how these people do it. Maybe I was just born without the forgiveness gene or something. Or maybe my memory is just too impeccable for my own good.

I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast today (that’s a lie, I eat 3/4 of a buttered plain bagel and a YooHoo every day of my life, but you catch my drift), but I could name every wrong-doing ever made against me by any person I’ve ever come across. You kicked me in kindergarten? Bitch you’re done.

Sunday night I got into a tiff with my new guy, Marcus, and, let me tell you, I was miserable all of Monday morning. It technically wasn’t a fight (it was me getting angry about something that was said and “getting tired” and hanging up the phone. I fell asleep uneasily, something I haven’t done in an entire week, and woke up feeling the same way. I sluggishly picked out my outfit and endured my morning routine.

I was so bummed at work that my boss actually asked me why I was so quiet — something he has never done and probably will never do again. When I checked my phone during my lunch break I saw that Marcus had sent me an email and texted me. I sighed a huge breath of relief, answered him back, and we ended up talking things through and “making up.”

The whole thing got me thinking about just how much the person your dating can affect your day, even if they’re not with you for a single second of it. I was like a different person in the afternoon. I even switched my iPod playlist from “Depressing As Shit” to “Freaking Awesome Songs!!!” (Yes, three exclamation points are warranted because the songs are just that awesome.) So, even though the title is “First Fight Funk” the word “First” could totally be omitted from it because we all feel that post-fighting gloominess.

Does fighting with your girl/boyfriend ruin your entire day?

5 thoughts on “First Fight Funk

  1. Glad to know I am not the only one. I don’t know what it is. Even if I am the one who is RIGHT, when I start feeling that gloominess, it doesn’t matter anymore I just want things to go back to the way they were. I, too, am too prideful to ever make that first attempt to contact the other person. Then I find myself staring at my phone and checking my inbox all day.Think it’s a girl thing or a pride thing?

  2. I think maybe you think of the person because in the heat of an argument you don’t say all that is on your mind. Well, at least that’s the reason in my case. If I said everything I’ve wanted to say then I can easily move on.

    Kimberly, it is definitely a pride/stubborn thing. Guys can be just as prideful/stubborn in an argument. That was the case in my last relationship where I was the one who had to be the bigger person and make the first move. He wouldn’t make an attempt. I have even waited a week to see if he would budge and nothing.

  3. Sometimes I wish I could say all the things i really want to say when I’m fighting with my other half, but sometimes you have to pick your battles. I commend you for cutting people out that have screwed you over instead of being a pushover like most people. It’s brave.:)

  4. Sometimes it’s better to “go silent” rather than speaking out of anger. We tend to say things we wish we could take back — but, of course, we can’t once it’s out there. So, you eat 3/4 of a bagel now? I thought you only ate half!

  5. Ah fighting I could remember me and my bfs first fight kinda at that time he was always sorry now we fight like we’re married so we blame each other but I hate fightinf

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