Wanting What You Can’t Have: I Love Guys In Relationships

I’m pretty sure that I’m a little twisted in the head, but there’s something about finding out that a guy is married or in a relationship that makes me like him. I guess it’s the classic tale of wanting what you can’t have. If I see a potential guy, I think, Hmm, he’s cute. If I see a wedding ring on his finger or find out he’s in a serious relationship I think, I must have him.

I’m going to make a food analogy here (for all of you who know me personally, I know you’re real shocked by this). Unless the food is the greatest tasting thing on earth, or the most grotesque, I am easily swayed in my opinion of it. I shall explain…

When I go out to a restaurant and order something new (a rarity), my mom knows to never tell me what she thinks of it before I taste it. I have no idea why, but the second someone says, “Ew, this is gross,” I physically cannot form an opinion of my own. I go into it thinking it tastes really bad, and can’t shake the thought, even if it doesn’t. I hate that about myself, but it’s one of those weird quirks that I can’t seem to grow out of. Anyway, I kind of feel the same way about guys.

Let’s say I’m in a bar with some girlfriends, and we’re talking to a handful of guys. If my friend whispers in my ear, “That guy is a dirtbag. So and so dated him and he screamed at her all the time and hit her once,” I literally can’t look at him the same way, no matter how great he appears to be. The same goes for the opposite, though. If I find out that he’s in a committed relationship, I start to look at him like I look at a Philly Cheesesteak someone is eating across the table from me. Only one thought goes through my mind: I want him. (Kind of an ironic comparison after stating that I don’t look at guys at pieces of meat. But you get my point. Change it to something vegetarian if it helps you sleep at night.)

I guess the fact that someone has not only put up with him but hasn’t killed him over a long period of time makes him that much more appealing. That, coupled with the fact that I know there’s no way I could possibly have him, drives me bonkers. (What a fun word.)

So now you know that I have a thing for attached guys…but before I get yelled at by all of my female JenAndMen readers, I keep all of these thoughts in my head. I don’t even really flirt with them because I wouldn’t want to make them cry. Just kidding, I don’t do it out of respect for their girlfriends. I would never actually break up a couple. I was once actually in a position where I could have kissed a married man (whom I was disgustingly in love with at the time) and chose not to go to Hell and walked the other way. Oh I’ll be blogging about that, don’t you worry, now.

3 thoughts on “Wanting What You Can’t Have: I Love Guys In Relationships

  1. I think it’s normal to be attracted to people in relationship, and maybe even swoon from afar, but you seem to understand that stopping there is what is important and that you can’t act on it.

  2. I know this feeling all to well. Not only am I into someone who is taken, but I seem to only attract guys that are off the market! The last 3 great conversations I have had with guys were guys that had girlfriends. I wonder if I give off a vibe of being in a relationship so they think I’m a safe choice for conversation? Who the hell knows.

    Today I met up with some friends one of which i hadn’t seen for a while, but I have known him for 5 years. He has had 3 girlsfriends during that time (all for over a year..one of which he is still with). I am so disgustingly in love with him and have been forever and he knows it and he texts me alllll the time about how we should be together and blah blah blah. I have never given in (go me), but I don’t understand why he says that and still has a long term girlfriend! Oh to be in that boys brain for just an hour would probably fix this whole mess, but for now I will wallow in my single sorrows.

  3. Mila, don’t engage him. Take a step back and look at your situation objectively. If you were dating a guy for over a year, and he was having conversations like that and teasing other women behind your back, is that really a guy you’d want to be with? Probably not. He kinda sounds like a sleazer.

    Truth is, much like how girls LOVE attention, even when they’re in committed relationships, guys wanna feel like studs too. It’s an ego boost to know that women dig ya. But at the same time, it makes us less relationship worthy, because we know there are chicks out there that dig us, so if there’s problems in the relationship, we’re less likely to hang around and work on it because we KNOW there’s other opportunities out there. That way, we can just jump to the next Lily pad (get it, I used a girls name there?) without ever getting wet.

    As far as the Wanting What You Can’t Have dilemma, it’s evolution at it’s finest! Dudes in relationships are more attractive because they’ve already been pre-screened by a woman! If she’s with him, then he MUST have something to offer, and he MUST not be too big of a dick (no pun intented). Likewise, along the lines of what Jen alluded to, if you see a couple fighting, the guy is automatically less attractive, because clearly he has issues getting along with women, and that’s the opposite of a pre-screening. That’s like a douche bag filter. You don’t need to waste your time, cuz he can’t even get along with his own girlfriend in public!

    True story. I wouldn’t make this stuff up. Same reason dudes with babies are more attractive; because they MUST be in a relationship with a woman who’s pre-screened him, and he MUST be more mature and responsible and capable of taking care of another human being. Simple evolution.

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