The Shame Of Being Recognized On A Dating Site

A JenAndMen reader named Anna recently sent an email to JenAndMen@hotmail.com, sharing her hatred of being seen by someone she knows on a dating site. I think it’s a great topic to discuss because, with the amount of people on these online dating sites these days, you’re bound to run into people you know (I certainly have). The following is from her:

This has happened to me on more than one occasion and for some reason I can’t seem to stomach it. It’s probably because I am just not comfortable with others knowing I’m on dating sites like Plenty of Fish and OKCupid.

One day, I was on my phone and received an email saying that I had a message on OKCupid. When I checked, to my horror, it was someone I went to high school with! I was petrified and even more petrified when he proceeded to try to pick me up! The second time around I was on the OKCupid iPhone app (which has a “Locals” feature and, when I saw who was nearby, sure enough it was someone I see on a regular basis. He also decided to message me. I was polite and kept the conversations short and we both agreed not to tell other people that we were on the site.


What do you think about this, Jen? Maybe I’m just over-thinking this, but I simply can’t stand seeing someone I know on these sites, It makes me want to avoid them all together.


I’m completely with Anna when it comes to seeing someone you know on a dating site. I have been messaged by 4 different guys that I know/was friends with/have dated on Plenty of Fish. I literally wanted to die every time. My face turned as red as my hair, and I couldn’t believe that I was “found.” It’s ironic, because I talk about my online dating on JenAndMen all the time…but, I don’t know, there’s something about actually having someone that you know see your profile and message you that makes the situation really humiliating.


Three of them seemed to be innocent and read as “Hey sexy, nice profile” (which I assumed to jokes). One guy, however, messaged me saying, “Hey, it’s ___, remember me from years ago?” I couldn’t believe that this guy was messaging me. He was friends with a close guy friend of mine, and was rude to me every single time he saw me.


Like Anna, I was polite and responded, “Omg, it’s been forever. How you doin’?” I was horrified when he answered back asking for my phone number, saying that I should give him a chance because he’s “not the same person he used to be back in the day.” Ugh, I wanted to die!


How do you feel about being spotted on dating site by someone you know?

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