Do you have any idea how disappointing it is to see that you have 100 messages in your online dating profile inbox and the come to find that 90 of them are from people who look like they just escaped from jail or perhaps a mental hospital?
I’m physically shocked as men with tattoos on their face tell me that I’m as beautiful as the sunrise and morbidly obese guys say that they think “we’d really click.” The only thing I’m clicking is the “x” on my computer to shield my eyes from the ugliness before them.
My friend Mike recently brought this up, telling me that he is constantly being messaged by the ugliest of uglies and fattest of fatties on OKCupid. His reaction to this: “When this happens I hypothetically run away and click cancel.”
Sometimes it’s not even that simple…and you have to go as far as to block a person from ever contacting you again.
I once had a guy write me an entire paragraph about how he knew that I would never give him a chance because I am “the most beautiful creature [he] has ever seen,” but the he had this burning question for me and can he please, please, PLEASE ask me before he bursts.
I obviously said “shoot” and his question was “Will you be give me a chance?” He went on to say, “I knew you wouldn’t answer me if I didn’t say I had a question.”
I literally couldn’t believe it. Was this guy on crack cocaine? How do you write someone an entire paragraph bashing yourself and then pretend to have an important question, only to ask them out? Did he think that was going to attract me?
I hypothetically ran from that guy and blocked him.
Have you ever had to “hypothetically run away from someone”? What happened?