What A Rockstar Online Dating Profile Looks Like, Ladies (Part 2)

In my About Me section, I hit on key areas about myself without sounding too self-loving (I know, I know, ironic). I talk about the facts that I dye my hair like the Little Mermaid (because who doesn’t love a Disney chick?), that I was on z100 promoting my blog (to show them that this isn’t some EMO “Oo, look at me, I’m gonna draw fake teardrops on my face and tell people I have a ‘blog’ blog), and that I’m really sarcastic (because if you don’t like sarcasm, you don’t like me.)


Guys love 3 things from their girlfriends (or potential girlfriends): cupcakes, cuddling, and, well, this is a PG13 blog, so you could guess the third one. Because of this well-known fact, I, naturally, mentioned that I’m a “rockstar cuddler, girlfriend, and cupcake-maker.” This makes guys think “Oh my God, I could sit and eat a batch of cupcakes while cuddling with my girlfriend after we [do that third thing]. Of course, if it’s his girlfriend, chances are there won’t be any of that third thing going on, but, hey, cupcakes freaking rock, man.

I also threw in my reason for getting sucked into online dating. Everyone feels the need to give a reason…and I’ll tell you why. Because online dating is embarrassing. Who wants to tell their grandma that they met a great guy “on the internet.” That’s like saying you met at a secret underground meeting of the lycons and the vampires (actually, I take that back, that would be very cool to say). I made sure to say that I’m not a huge drunken partier who’s always at a bar or club…hence my lack of human contact on a nightly basis. This makes guys think, Oo a good girl. Let me message her. (As opposed to Oo, a bad girl. ALSO let me message her.)
Now, we’re finally up to the description of my ideal First Date. This may be the most important section of all (besides the photos, of course). This part of my profile is truly ingenious, because I’ve hit every key idea of a GUY’S ideal first date. I talk about how I don’t like going to fancy restaurants (which isn’t a lie – but we better not be pulling up to Burger King on our very first date, either, yo <– gangsterness I speak of later), how I’d be happy walking through a park (lie: I hate all things natural and flying), how I just wanted to “see what comes of it” and “enjoy someone’s company” (lie: I’m searching for candidates to be my boyfriend). (I also threw in that I like guys to be witty for my own sanity — hoping anyone non-witty would refrain from messaging me. Yeah, that plan failed miserably.)

Okay, so here’s what you’ve all been waiting for…The world’s greatest online dating profile (Okay, just kidding, but a pretty good one, anyway). Hope it helps!

writing about fun topics on my website
being gangster by saying words like gangster
getting piggy-back rides
being fluent in sarcasm
watching movies while eating that awesome movie-theater-like popcorn from Blockbuster
eating anything that has to do with Nutella
attempting to give piggy-back rides
being hilariously funny and making you feel bad that youve been put to shame
polishing my cuddling awards and medals
laughing until I cry – even if I told the joke
fitting into small places that no one else can because I’m teeny tiny
 About Me
I’m a 24-year-old writer with aspirations to become well-known. I own a website where I write a blog about my life — and I was on Z100’s Elvis Duran & The Morning Show for 12 minutes promoting it :) I love to travel (especially to Europe) and have written a book (which I hope to have published) about my time living abroad in Italy. I’m naturally a curly-haired brunette, but I dye my hair Ariel red because I think it suits my personality better, which is basically what I like to describe as witty, cute, sarcastic, and funny. Although I like to enjoy myself by going out to dinner or bars with my friends, I’m not really a huge drinker or partier, so I don’t meet as many people as one who goes out every night would. I’m a rockstar cuddler and girlfriend and cupcake-maker…and think it’s really fun having a boyfriend to go out with and celebrate fun times. I figured since I’m always on my computer writing for my own website, I’d try this one out and see what comes of it :)

First Date

My ideal first date would be a comfortable and fun experience, where I could feel at ease with the guy I’m with. I hate awkward silences, so I always try to meet people who are intelligent and quick enough to keep up a conversation. I think guys who can poke fun at me are awesome, because you know I’m going to be doing the same thing. I’m a girl, so I think hand-holding and guys acting like gentlemen is sweet, and I really like it when someone can get me to laugh or be impressed by something witty that they’ve said. I’m not one of those people that needs to go bungee-jumping (God knows I’m afraid of my own shadow) or to an expensive, fancy restaurant. As long as I see the guy has put thought/effort into a date I’m happy just walking around a park. I guess I just want to enjoy someone’s company and feel like they’re enjoying mine.

One thought on “What A Rockstar Online Dating Profile Looks Like, Ladies (Part 2)

  1. Hi Jen I came across your profile on PoF recently and thought you were amazing I wrote this incredibly funny, long, unorthodox message to you only to be met with the “You can not message this person” error box which left me very disappointed! So being that you mentioned your blog on your profile I decided to look it up, hence this comment…I’d really love to hear back from you if possible, maybe get to know each other over a nice dinner(no burger king yo, promise lol)

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