I Want Someone to be Excited to Talk to *Me* for a Change

My friend John is constantly dishing to me about what happens on his dating escapades. I get the full story: From the first OKCupid message to the texts, to the dates, to the lack-of-texts after the dates. I’m literally shocked at how many girls act like guys and ignore his efforts at conversation. Finally, during one particular conversation of the two of us bitching about our love lives, John said something that I guess I’ve been subconsciously thinking for a long time.

He was telling me about this girl that would answer his text messages back sporadically; therefore, he would only text her during certain parts of the day, etc, etc. We were cultivating a plan that would force her to answer him, while having him wait to answer her so as not to appear too excited to talk to her when he stopped and said, “Not to sound like a loser, but is it so wrong that I want someone to be excited to talk to me for a change?

I paused and thought about what he had said. “No, that doesn’t make you a loser at all. That makes you human.”

Although I find it odd that a guy said it (because most guys I know — including John — are all about sex and don’t really focus their time or energy on building a relationship with a girl that extends past “What do you want for breakfast?”), it still made me want to talk about it on JenAndMen.

How often do we get caught up in petty questions like ‘Who’s gonna text whom?’ or ‘How long should I wait to answer this call/text message?’ or ‘Do I call the day after a date if they don’t?’ So much thought goes into not appearing excited over someone, when really the only thought you should be having is Hey, why aren’t they excited over me?

Do ever feel like you want someone to be excited over you for a change?

4 thoughts on “I Want Someone to be Excited to Talk to *Me* for a Change

  1. “Not to sound like a loser, but is it so wrong that I want someone to be excited to talk to me for a change?“

    shhhhhh…..if you listen close enough, you just might hear the world’s saddest song being played on the world’s smallest violin.

  2. Hell yeah I want someone to be excited over me! I think some people are just fixated on the “game”. It’s hard to find someone who wants to connect on an intellectual and deeper level. Most just want the sex part.

  3. You’re right, it’s a mind game. (But I’d argue it doesn’t end after the early dating stages. Think about the guilt trips and mind games couples play when they’re arguing. When the other person finally admit’s they were wrong, it’s just so satisfying, however petty. But anyway…)
    I think it all comes down to a level of interest. If both guy and girl are at the same level, it works great. Let’s say it’s a moderate level, after just one or two dates; he’s not going to be THAT anxious to text her, or wonder when she’ll reply. He’ll just brush it off when she doesn’t. But if he’s REALLY interested, every unanswered text is like a confidence shattering dagger. And the worst part is, guys (and girls, for that matter) throw gas on the fire by texting MORE. Let me give you an example; say you’re busy at work, and you get a text from a guy you’re moderately interested in. You’ll probably read it, but don’t want to take the time to reply right now. You’ll plan on replying at lunch, or after work. If you REALLY liked him, you’d reply right away. But then an hour later, you get ANOTHER text. Now it’s just annoying, and his attraction level is starting to drop. (This isn’t to imply that a guy can’t become more attractive after another date, or a good conversation, or after you get to know him better)

    I recently realized this myself, unfortunately. We have a name for girls that do it to us: “needy” or “clingy”. And yeah, I guess it works both ways.

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