“I Jumped Into His Arms…And Punched Him”

One of my best friends, Alessia, is dating a jerk. And when I say “jerk,” I actually mean a whole slew of other words but let’s keep it clean, shall we?

For Christmas, she told him exactly what she wanted: 2 pairs of Uggs and a Michael Kors watch (and before I get grief about her being a gold digger, she stupidly spent the same amount of money on him, so calm down).

As Christmas was approaching, he started in with his little comments.

“You know, I don’t think I spent as much on you as you spent on me,” “I didn’t do such a great job wrapping your presents” …blah blah.

Used to his constant meanness, she told him to stop trying to deliberately hurt her and put an end to his unnecessary idiocy.

Then Christmas morning came. She ripped open the first gift – it was a pair of Ugg rain-boots.

“Oh, thanks,” she said, confused as to how he could possibly mess up a direct request.

Then she opened Gift #2: It was a Michael Kors box — but way too big for it to be her watch. Because it wasn’t her watch; it was a pair of moccasins. I have never in my life seen Alessia wear moccasins, look at moccasins, or even say the word “moccasins.”

Alessia gave him everything that he wanted. He, on the other hand, went out of his way to get her things that he knew she wouldn’t want.

“What’s wrong? You don’t like your presents, huh?” he asked.

“No, I don’t like them. I told you want I wanted. I bought all your family’s Christmas presents and wrapped them. All you had to do was shop for me. And this is what you get me? Real nice.”

That’s when he went into the other room and came back with two boxes — her Uggs and her Michael Kors watch.

“Jen, I opened them up and flipped out, I was so excited. Then jumped into his arms…and punched him.”

“You’re such an asshole,” she yelled at him. You had to make me feel bad and not give me the damn gifts like a normal person. You had to make me complain first.”

Her boyfriend just laughed.

Have you ever dated someone who took a sweet thing like gift exchanging and turned it into something upsetting?

6 thoughts on ““I Jumped Into His Arms…And Punched Him”

  1. Oh for goodness sakes. He got her what she wanted, didn’t he? It sounds to me like he was just having a bit of fun.

  2. No, I really can’t say that’s ever happened to me before. I have standards.

    And @109: Actually, that’s not really the point. What he did was juvenille, obnoxious and kinda douche-y. You don’t practical joke your girlfiriend on Christmas, or ever for that matter. Why hurt her feelings for your own amusement? I’d be pissed if my bf did that to me, not that he would. Last I checked, he’s a grown man, not a 14-year-old.

  3. Teach: Completely agreed. That just typical him, too. Christmas is a time for giving and making people happy — not tricking them and making them feel bad. That’s April Fool’s.

  4. Those sound like amazing gifts. Interestingly enough, I wanted those new black sequined uggs, the black sequin poppy channel bag to match the boots, and a Michael Kors or Bulova chronograph watch. All I got was a hot pink t-shirt that wasn’t even my size, and a 25 dollar make-up kit. I only use the make-up kit, since I really love make-up. But, I like to go all out when I give gifts to others, and I spent way too much during christmas. I don’t have a boyfriend to give me anything, but I don’t really want one. Too much heart break has given me commitment phobia.

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