Going Dutch = Going Doosh

I know I misspelled “douche” — but I wanted everyone to read it the right way right off the bat. You may think the title is a bit extreme — but I can’t help getting so annoyed at cheap people. And don’t be confused: “Poor” is not “cheap.” If you’re poor, you’re poor. Those were the cards you were dealt. But cheapness? Ugh, it’s one of the most unattractive qualities.

Girls like to feel special. As much as we’ll fight to have our independence, we secretly like to be taken care of sometimes, too. So when a guy says, “Hey, mind if we split the bill?” or “Let’s just go to Applebees because it’s cheaper than a real steakhouse,” we tend to get a little annoyed.

As I’ve said before, girls spend a lot of much money on their everyday appearance. We have to buy adorable outfits and shoes, get our hair done (or spend money on expensive hair products even when we do it ourselves), get our nails done, get wax ripped off of us in unfavorable places, etc, etc. Not to mention the whole child-bearing thing. (Yeah, I went there.) After dropping 50+ dollars on a date before I even get picked up, do you honestly mean to tell me that you’re going to ask me to go freaking Dutch right now?

And that’s another thing I was questioning — Are the Dutch stupid? What’s up with them making women pay for their own dinner? I Googled it and Wikipedia said that there’s two possible orgins for the term “Going Dutch.” One is that a Dutch farmhouse door has two equal parts. The other is that Dutch people are known to split the bill evenly when large groups of people go out to dinner. However, “When dating in a one-on-one situation, however, the man will most commonly pay for meals and drinks.” There goes that lame ass excuse, cheapskates.

A JenAndMen reader named Taylor wrote, “One time I went out to eat on a date…The guy picked up the check and said, ‘I got this time, you got next time.’ The sad part is that he was serious. If that’s not cheap I don’t know what is.”

Another JenAndMen reader named Buffy wrote, “Went on a date where the guy bought us each a slice of pizza and ate his slice & mine because he was still hungry & too cheap to buy himself another! I drank a can of sprite :-/”.

I have to say, I have never been serious with a cheap person. Most of my boyfriends were good to me when it came to going out to dinner and buying me gifts (and I was, in return, too — before I’m called a gold-digger lol).

Have you ever dated a cheap guy? How cheap was he?

19 thoughts on “Going Dutch = Going Doosh

  1. im cheap as hell….your website is mad funny tho lol and probably u could get a story out of my gf lol cause i am cheap alota times but my car cost 85k lmao…hahahaah na im not that bad…but been taken advantage of my alota gold diggin exes so i watch my ass now

  2. U should put my dates in this blog…I used to go to dunkin donuts drive thru so if I didn’t like the girl at least I still got my coffee

  3. OMG Matthew — I went on a date with a guy that took me to the DD drive-thru! He was so upset when I refused his invitation for a 2nd date!

  4. So this guy asked me to go to eat ..we went ate he ordered a pizza at the end ate a slice and took the rest to go. The bill came and he hands me it and goes its ur turn to pay. I thought he was joking, but indeed he was not . Insult to injury did u really have to order ur stingy self a pizza to take home ?

  5. OMG…it’s as if you were eavesdropping on one of my conversations on this topic with my family or girlfriends!!! I can’t stand cheapness either. For me, it ranks right up there on the unattractiveness scale with bigotry, arrogance, and emotional immaturity. No, it’s not about gold digging. Don’t you just love it when men bring that up? As you indicated, it’s about wanting to be treated well — with some chivalry and respect. It’s about having guys put in some effort instead of having a “what can you do for me?” attitude that is so rampant among men today. Those kind of guys don’t want to put in ANY effort whatsoever and expect women to support them, sleep with them, cook for them, clean their houses, bear their children, etc. — all while maintaining a hot physique. Yet these same women are gold diggers the minute they would like a man to take them out to dinner or to the movies every now and then without strings attached.

    I have quite a few stories about cheapness, from one guy who only wanted to order 1 entree for us to split on every date we went on to guys who “forgot” their wallets every time we’d go to the movies. In my days as a poor college student I was asked out on a date by this former marine who was a few years older than me and claimed to know how to treat a woman. He was so not like all the young, immature college guys, according to him, and was doing well financially since serving in the military. While I was totally cool with low-key dates, I was expecting to go out somewhere nice and romantic by the way he hyped up everything. Well, this big first date ended up being a Chinese take-out dinner and movie at his place!

    He paid for the movie rental, then we went next door to pick up the Chinese food. We looked over the menu and went back and forth about what sounded good. He came up with a few dishes that he absolutely had to have but that I didn’t particularly care for, while shooting down most of the stuff I wanted to get. What the heck, I thought, he’s paying for it so I might as well let him have the food he really likes. I was at least ordering one thing I liked and there was another dish that I didn’t detest. We approached the counter, he ordered, and the cashier read everything back to us with the total. My date then turned to me and said, “Well, I got the movie, so you can get the food.” I was flabbergasted and had to pick my jaw up off the floor. The food came to $30, while the movie rental cost less than $10! He didn’t even offer to pay a fraction. Like an idiot, I ponied up the cash, which I really couldn’t afford. I was just working a minimum wage work-study job.

    To make matters worse, his apartment was filthy and he ended up telling his roommate to help himself to the food as we were unpacking the cartons. So his roommate ate half the food and all the while, they talked as if I wasn’t even there! They even kept the leftovers. As for the movie, we had to watch it on my date’s tiny laptop screen and I could barely hear anything. I pretended to be dead tired and peaced outta there so fast after the movie ended. Needless to say, I was thoroughly turned off by the whole experience and dumped him like a hot potato!

    Lastly, thank you for making the distinction between being POOR and being CHEAP. A generous poor guy will think of fun free or low-cost activities and ways to make a woman feel special when he can’t afford fancy, expensive dates.

  6. I went on a date with an incredibly cheap guy. I met him through an online site. He looked cute from his photo and sounded good from his profile. He wanted to meet for a drink. Problem is he wanted to split for the drink! Not only was he cheap, he showed up in a button down that was so wrinkled it looked like he slept in it. Needless to say Mr. Sloppy Cheapo did not see a date #2!

  7. Ann: Ugh! He made you pay for your own drink?! I’m surprised he didn’t ask you for money to repay his gas tank or metrocard. Cheap jerk!

  8. Jessica: No, it’s not about gold-digging at all! I don’t get why they all use that word. Damn Kanye West lol! It’s true…we’re expected to do so much and then when we complain about a lack of a thoughtful gift or say we want to be taken to a nice restaurant or do something different…ugh, we’re gold-diggers! I tell all my boyfriends: “I’m independent and I have my own money, I don’t need yours.” But it’s still nice to be appreciated from time-to-time. I know a lot of wives with children certainly must feel that way.

    As for the marine story, that is DISGUSTING and he should be ashamed of himself to be called a former marine! I was so horrified by that story that I made it its own blog post! Thanks for the share!

  9. Christina: Wow, what a dirtbag! It’s bad enough that he forced you to pay — but I can’t believe he actually ordered himself a pie to go because he knew he was going to make you pay! I hope you never saw that ass again.

  10. Matty: Oh God, never a restaurant or a movie? You must have either really liked him or really liked coffee because you married him! haha

  11. Buffy: The drive-thru?! Not even a sit-down?! Smh. These guys are nuts that they actually get confused when we won’t date their non-creative, cheap asses again.

  12. John: Thank you :) Yeah exes can definitely make a person weary of spending money. I get that. 85K on yourself though? Hmmm I might have something to say if I was your girlfriend lol.

  13. could you be any more fake and shallow in this blog post? like come on, we dated and i can vouch that this is a load of chit. just be you and be real.

  14. uhhhhhhh my boyfriend said “what do you think you are rich or something?”…because i spent $4.99 on black and white cookies that he loved and i knew he would demolish but because they were not on sale he thought i was being a big shot….unreal and unappreciative!

  15. Same way girls want to be thought of as more than a piece of meat,
    a guy wants to be thought of as more than a wallet.

    It doesn’t help that image if you expect him to pay for a fancy meal for you at the beginning.

    Better to go on non dinner dates to explore chemistry without all that BS

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