Gifts That Make Me Want To Shank You, Not Say “Thank You”

This has happened to all of us.  It’s Christmas (or any other holiday you celebrate) or our birthday or anniversary, and you see it: The box. The box that is pre-wrapped by a salesperson – and judging by the size – is most likely jewelry.  You look at your boyfriend with your eyes wide with anticipation, and rip open that little sucker like your 6-years-old tearing away at what you know is that awesome talking and peeing doll that you’ve been asking your parents for for weeks.

You lift open the top of the box, preparing to scream, “Oh my God!” and then…there it is.  Less “Oh my God” and more “Myyy God :(”. In a style that perhaps your Great-Aunt Beatrice would wear, there lies your earrings, necklace, bracelet, ring.  Tears start to form in your eyes and you don’t really know what to do. Thoughts race through your head like wildfire.

Don’t cry, he’ll feel terrible, and it’s Christmas. Wait, he just made me feel terrible, and it’s freaking Christmas. No, no, he didn’t mean to. Although, I did tell him exactly what I wanted…so what is this crap?! Do not fight on Christmas. I want to stab him in the jugular.

The thoughts vary, but mine usually go a little something like that.

This has happened so many times that I won’t even choose one specific gift to write about.  All I know is I’ve spent many a Christmases and Valentine’s Days crying in the bathroom, trying to give myself a pep-talk and not take the life of myself or my boyfriend.

I’d say there are ways to remedy these issues, but there’s still a 50/50 shot of success.  When I was in high school, my boyfriend and I loved being surprised with our gifts…butttt we also wanted what we wanted.  So I proposed an idea.  We each compiled our own lists that we checked twice, writing down every single CD, DVD, clothing/sneaker item, jewelry, and miscellaneous others that we could have possibly wanted.  That way, when our birthdays or any gift-giving holidays rolled around, we wouldn’t know what we were getting, but we’d know it was something we had written down months prior. That worked out pretty well.

One of my best friends made an entire booklet for her boyfriend, complete with colored photos, prices, and websites where he can purchase the gifts. She still had to return her gift that year.

And, guys, I know I’ve left you out of this post. But, just like many of the other ones where I mainly tell it how it is from the girl’s point of view (ahem, for obvious reasons), this goes for you, too. I’m sure there are thousands of you who have opened up clothes that you’d never ever wear, a jersey from a team you hate, a hat that’s the wrong size because she didn’t know they came in sizes, etc.

What do you do when you get a gift that makes you want to kill the giver?

8 thoughts on “Gifts That Make Me Want To Shank You, Not Say “Thank You”

  1. I take a deep breath and go through the logic… Its the thought that counts. Now what were they thinking? If they were thinking about how much they want to use the gift get angry. If they took something I said out of context smile laugh and relax. If it is something that they could have thought I might like give it a shot a new passion might come from it.

    End of the day a gift can just be a gift card to be picked up at customer service so I try not to stress on it unless the thought or lack there of behind it matters.

  2. Seven years ago I was given the tackiest bracelet ever. Every time I open my jewelery box I cringe and get a little pang of guilt because I never even wore it once.

  3. Obviously in the course of a lifetime people will get gifts they do not like. Children who do not get what they want cry and whine and throw hissy fits. Adults smile, thank the giver and remember that the giver went out of their way to get them something that they thought you would like.Adults either return the gift, give it to someone who would like, re-gift it, donate it to less fortunate people who would love to get gifts (whether its something they wanted or not), or just tell the giver “this really is not my style, would it be possible to go together to exchange it for something that is a little more me?” Adults do not need to give themselves a pep talk in-order to avoid homicide and suicide just because they don’t life a gift. Getting that upset seems dramatic and ungrateful, considering that he picked out and spent his money on jewelry that thought you would like. Maybe the really issue is that disappointed that your boyfriend doesn’t know you as well as you would hope- and maybe that’s cause you come off as materialistic and shallow

  4. Teach: WELL…myyy mother taught me to do the same. But sometimes gifts are just too horrifying to hide the devastation!

  5. K: If it’s that tacky, you should only get a pang of annoyance at his lack-of-thinking-of-you, and not guilt.

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