The “Ahhh” Moment

To me, there is no greater moment than when the waiter puts your plate of food down on the table in front of you. I have two modes — disgustedly full and dying of starvation. There is usually no median. If someone asks if I’m hungry and I’m not necessarily there yet, my answer’s usually “I could eat.” I would say that I get that from growing up in my Italian household, but no one else in my family is really like that haha.

So, when I am at the point where I am, in fact, dying of starvation, I practically salivate every single time the waiter walks passed my table. I feel like my dog staring intently at him, tuning out my date and silently praying that this time he is carrying my food. The food that I thought about ordering all of yesterday. The food that I daydreamed about all throughout work. And then on the train. And then during my 45-minute wait where even my goo goo eyes to the host got me nowhere (Is he gay or am I having a bad hair day?). Then again, I guess it could have been the salivating.

Now, it’s the moment of truth. The small talk between us and the waiter is through. The drinks have been ordered. Actually, the drinks were ordered along with the food. That’s another thing, whenever the waiter says, “Can I take your drink order?” I always reply,”We’re actually ready to order everything.” I think they can hear the desperation in my voice, or maybe I get a little crazy in the eyes, who knows; either way, I always feel slightly mocked by the waiter — like he’s gonna go in the kitchen and say, “This cafone couldn’t even wait the five minutes it would have taken me to get her a Diet Coke.” (Cafone being Italian slang for fatty.)

After the initial speedy ordering (and I get very annoyed when the person I’m eating with doesn’t already know what they want like I always do), now I wait. I wait as the waiter walks passed me fifteen times. I wait as I stare at the kitchen door. I start to wonder why every single waiter in here looks exactly the same. Or it the hunger blurring my vision and causing me to hallucinate? I watch the waiters walk back and forth to the kitchen, alternating between carrying steaming hot meals right out of the oven, and already-eaten empty plates of the lucky ass people whose waiters *actually served* them. Okay, okay, you’re just hungry. Let’s not get cranky and bitter, now.

I think it’ll never happen for me. I think I should have just gone to McDonald’s like i had considered. I think…nothing. Nothing but pure bliss and happiness as it finally happens. The glorious moment when the waiter walks toward me and actually stops at my table!, ushers the food runners to bring my side dishes to me!, says, “Hope you enjoy everything” with an overly bright smile that screams “Tip me big so I can pay my rent without asking my out-of-state parents for money this month.”

This is the moment I stop talking to my friends, family, boyfriend. This is the moment of truth. I pick up my fork, take a bite, swallow. Nine times out of ten, I look up at my dinner company and sing, “Ahhhh” with my hands held palms-upward over my head in a Hallelujah-type motion. If the waiter didn’t think I was a kook before, he sure does now. And I love every moment of it.

Do you ever have a particular food or restaurant that makes you sing “Ahhhh”?

2 thoughts on “The “Ahhh” Moment

  1. There are def a few restaurants that make me say “ahhhh” for different reasons. One of my fav’s is in the city and when I go there, I am an animal, as I know exactly my order before I even sit down!! And girl, when I’m hungry I sometimes google the menu of a new spot just to be ready for when I sit down to eat. Maybe you and I were separated at birth?? Hahah!! Your article is completely relatable and as always, hilariously true!!!!!

  2. Mandy: I always look up menus before I go! I must be prepared at all times! And I get furious when other people tell the server they need a minute. I always give them the death stare!!

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