One morning Cal the Cop text messaged me that he was drunk-golfing with his best friend, Joe. A few hours later, I received a text that drunk-golfing had turned into drunk-trip planning, and the two of them were sobering up and heading down to Atlantic City for the night.
“You should come,” he said.
“Nah, I’m not cool enough to ride in a Camaro,” I replied, knowing full-well he was just messing with my head as per usual.
I am about to shock everyone and write about a boy only spoken of once on JenAndMen. If you’re wondering why I haven’t written about him in the last 8 months, the answer is simple: I was so in love with this boy that I physically could not bring myself to withstand that kind of pain.
But now I’m over the mind-fucking bastard. So, yay, blog posts galore!
If you go back in time 20 guys, you will find yourself face-to-blog with who I’ll call Cal the Cop. And, no, I don’t ever call him Cal. That would just be weird.
If you’re a JenAndMen reader, you know that this title is completely inaccurate. Ironically, a guy I used to date back in the day asked me this question a couple weeks ago. I was truly surprised to hear that that’s what he thought. But when I told another guy friend of mine, he said that it appears to the world that this is, in fact, my M.O.
Most of my best friends have the exact same relationship problems as I do: Their boyfriend sucks and they can’t or won’t leave him.
Alexa’s boyfriend is unbelievably emotionally abusive, and has been physically abusive in the past.
Betty’s sort-of boyfriend is possibly married because he has never taken her out on a date and refuses to spend the night, occasionally disappearing for weeks at a time.
Lorraine broke up with her boyfriend and got a phone call from her landlord, telling her that he was in her apartment going through her stuff. She had to change the locks.
Has a friend ever made a comment about your life that was so dead-on that you were shocked you never came to the realization yourself? That happened to me this morning. Christine and I were having our morning phone conversation (aka me venting to her) and she turned around and came out with a statement that left me speechless (something that’s very hard to do).
“Every guy you date has some problem with you…and they have absolutely no issue with telling you what it is. And I can’t freaking stand it.”
Okay, so here’s where I am going to try and explain exactly why my birthday is more important than yours. I know it must seem crazy to hear at first, but it is in fact true, so bear with me. I am in no way saying that my significance on this earth is greater than any one of yours (well, maybe just…just kidding), but the day I celebrate my birthday each year, July 8th, is. And here’s why…
I count down to my birthday the way children (or my dad, haha) count down to Christmas. On January 8th, I wish myself a Happy Half-Birthday, and proceed to tell everyone that I am 6 months away from my birthday. Now, granted before I became an old woman of 24 I was much more excited to attain whatever age I was going to be back in the day.
For example, I counted down to 21 for a good two years. Anywho, now that I’m older and don’t exactly want to slip closer to 25, and then 30, etc., I mostly look forward to the attention, gifts, dinners, and partying – all on my behalf. I know that’s hard for some of you to grasp, because I’m usually not the self-centered, attention-hog type 
Before this summer, for the past six years I worked as an Arts & Crafts and Theater teacher. I used to make the children make me a crown and a sash in Arts & Crafts and sing Happy Birthday to me in Theater class, haha.
Anyway, because I didn’t have those fun accessories this year (my mom still bought me a little pink and rhinestone crown), a few days before my birthday this year, I explained to my boyfriend-at-the-time, David, just why this day is the most special day of the year, along with why I should have nothing but happiness and helpfulness and good thoughts sent my way, not the fighting that was going on with my friends over which club we went to that weekend. I proceeded to justify my response by describing how other people we know (my family and friends) feel on their birthdays. Continue reading
I wrote “guys” in the title, but the truth is there are girls who do it to their boyfriends, also. Most of my blog posts are rants about bad dates, assholes, or going on bad dates with assholes. Sometimes I whine about being single. Every once in a while (hint hint, now) I’ll have a Hallmark card moment and write something uplifting. So prepare to be freaking uplifted, or at least pretend so I feel like I did my good deed for the day.
I recently dated someone that made me feel really bad about myself. And when I say really bad…I mean like severe-depression-bad. He called me an extremely mean name and showed me little to no affection. Did he have his own personal reasons for doing it? Yes. And those reasons convinced me that the deterioration of our relationship was my fault and I deserved his horrible treatment.
My cousin Diana and I wanted to have an extra pool day in Las Vegas, so we decided to catch an earlier flight than the rest of the members of bachelorette party we were going for. While we were there, however, the other girls got delayed TWELVE HOURS at JKF, leaving Diana and I to fend for ourselves.
First we sat by Trump’s pool and ate melon wrapped in proscuitto and drank mohitos and daquiris. Then we got dressed and headed over to The Venetian, where we took a gondola ride and had dinner. While at dinner, they dimmed the restaurant lights and a small symphony began playing (violins, a harp, the works).
Okay, first of all I am completely singing the Beach Boy song California Girls right now. Secondly, in regards to this photo, ladies, you’re welcome.
Okay, so this post is about the super-hot, blonde-hair, blue-eyed, tattooed, musician I met from Cali while I was in Vegas.
He laid next to me in a lounge chair at the pool, and I asked him if he knew anything at all about Vegas, because my cousin Diana and I were all alone and waiting for the other 10 members of our bachelorette party, who were stranded at the airport in our very own version of Home Alone Part 2.
We all have those annoying friends that could just never ever take our side no matter what story we tell them about what guy or girl. All they do is make us not want to tell them any more stories. Since it’s obnoxious as hell no one wants to be that friend. But is it ever an absolute necessity?
My friend Paul has been hung up on the same girl for months. She only talks to him when she’s lonely and knows exactly what to say to get back into his head (although all she really has to say is “Hey”). Continue reading