When Having Alley Sex With A Hooker, Always Be Sure To Look For A Five O’Clock Shadow

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I have a bunch of friends that work in the sanitation department – and let me tell you…those guys have some stories.

One night at four in the morning, one of the guys, who I’ll call Lou, came across a hooker.

“For thirty bucks I’ll give you a blowjob,” she said.

“Frank, you gotta let me borrow thirty bucks,” Lou said to his coworker. “I promise I’ll finish the rest of the route.” Continue reading

Good Thing I Don’t Date Tattoo Artists — Imagine How Much Shit I’d Have On My Back


After reading the post I wrote about the female dentgalore moving her cheating, abandoning boyfriend’s teeth, a JenAndMen reader sent me an email about another story, with a very similar premise. Also involving cheating and revenge, this story has a twist to it – scheming.

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A Man Asked Me To Be His Mistress

I recently went to a local bar to grab a drink with a few of my friends. While waiting for the bartender to make my Malibu Bay Breeze, the man next to me started talking to me (about my hair, of course). I humored him for a few minutes, listening to what profession he’s in and how old he is (in his forties). That’s when things got interesting.

“So, listen, I have a lot of money and I’m bored with my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my beautiful kids and my wife, but I’m looking for someone on the side.”

I sat there, jaw dropped, staring at this guy, waiting for him to say, “Just kidding.”

He didn’t. Instead, he continued to make his case.

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Did The Guy I’m Seeing Take Out Another Girl On Valentine’s Day?

So last night was Valentine’s Day (tired of hearing those two words together at this point? – because I am) anddd I sat at home with my dog. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m seeing a younger guy, and I was delighted when he asked me to be his Valentine. Do you think I hinted about that at all?

Anywho, last week his boss told him that he had to cover for his co-worker’s vacation, therefore switching his day off from Wednesday to Thursday. This meant that he would wake up at 3:15AM to work his two jobs (one after the other), drive an hour to take me out, and then drive another hour to go  back home again…sleeping for an hour and waking up at 3:15AM againDid you just get tired reading that? Because I was exhausted hearing it.

Therefore, I insisted that we postpone our Valentine’s Day plans until today, the day after V-Day. I stayed in with my family, cooked kickass stuffed mushrooms, and did some video editing.

My brother walked in the room, saw me in my heart pajamas, and said, “Hey, why aren’t you out to dinner?”

“He had to work, plus he wasn’t really feeling well, so I told him that we’ll just go out tomorrow,” I replied.

“Oh, so he’s out with another girl, then, huh? Hahaha,” my brother shot back.

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I Stayed Strong & Denied The Married Guy I Was In Love With

When I was 20 years old, I was infatuated with my brother’s 28-year-old friend (who I’ll call Ben). Ben was absolutely perfect. Unfortunately, his wife thought so, too. I know, I know, I shouldn’t fall in love with married men. But if you met him, you’d fall in love, too.

Anyway, after giving him an ultimatum to either break up with her or marry her, Ben’s bitch of a wife was cheating on him “Ultimatums” Sound Like “Old Tomatoes” Because They’re Always Rotten two years into their marriage. And he didn’t know.

It made it that much more painful to know that not only was he off limits because he was married, but he was off limits and being made a fool of. All I would think was, I would never cheat on him if he were mine.

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Wanting What You Can’t Have: I Love Guys In Relationships

I’m pretty sure that I’m a little twisted in the head, but there’s something about finding out that a guy is married or in a relationship that makes me like him. I guess it’s the classic tale of wanting what you can’t have. If I see a potential guy, I think, Hmm, he’s cute. If I see a wedding ring on his finger or find out he’s in a serious relationship I think, I must have him.

I’m going to make a food analogy here (for all of you who know me personally, I know you’re real shocked by this). Unless the food is the greatest tasting thing on earth, or the most grotesque, I am easily swayed in my opinion of it. I shall explain…

When I go out to a restaurant and order something new (a rarity), my mom knows to never tell me what she thinks of it before I taste it. I have no idea why, but the second someone says, “Ew, this is gross,” I physically cannot form an opinion of my own. I go into it thinking it tastes really bad, and can’t shake the thought, even if it doesn’t. I hate that about myself, but it’s one of those weird quirks that I can’t seem to grow out of. Anyway, I kind of feel the same way about guys.

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I Went On Plenty of Fish And Caught A Worm

As I’ve said before, I’m the type of girl who’s pretty much incapable of dating more than one guy at a time. If I like you, you’re it for me — Until I dislike you.

That being said, I had been dating a guy for a couple of weeks, and decided that I wanted to spend my time with him and him, alone. I text messaged the two or three people I was hanging out with here and there, and told them that I had met someone and wanted to see where it was going to go.

One guy, Dave, was really understanding about it.

“That’s cool. I’m sort of seeing someone myself,” he responded.

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When You’re The Mistress…

So last night I heard a CRAZY story from a friend of a friend. I’ll call him Marshall. Marshall recently broke up with his girlfriend, whom he was dating for 4.5 years. That’s a long time, right? Well, not longer than the EIGHT years she was dating her OTHER boyfriend.

Yup, Marshall was the mistress! What is this chick…a spy? Because she’s rivaling 007 if you ask me. I have never in my life heard of someone keeping an entire relationship a secret. A one-night-stand, fine. A little fling on the side, okay. But having TWO boyfriends for 4.5 years?! I find it hard to have one lol.

To make the story even crazier, this girl’s original boyfriend refused to believe Marshall. In order to “make him feel as bad as [he] did,” Marshall started sending this poor guy photos, forwarded text Continue reading

What Are You Hiding?

One of my best friends, Betty, has been on-again-off-again seeing this guy, Kyle, for about 2 years now. And for two years Betty and I have been doing detective work, trying to figure out what this dude is hiding. He shows all the classic signs of being married: He never sleeps over, leaving mysteriously in the middle of the night. He disappears for days and sometimes weeks at a time. He even tells Betty that he loves her, and yet refuses to officially commit.

Now, Kyle does have a son (and full custody of him), which he admits to, and claims to be divorced from his “psycho drug addict ex-wife” and living with his parents.

How true is this statement, though, if he is constantly running out on Betty – both physically and emotionally? If his mother is the toddler’s permanent babysitter, then why is he always leaving her apartment at all hours of the night? Continue reading