Once Your Male Friend Gets A Girlfriend, Kiss Him Goodbye

I have noticed a pattern in all my co-ed friendships: Whenever my male friend getsĀ a girlfriend, he completely forgets how to text, call, or hang out. I wish I could say it’s only happened to me once or twice, but no; it literally occurs every single time one of those fools get a girlfriend.

It’s like — Whattt? Constant sex with something other than my hand? YESSS! Let me ignore Jen even though I’ve spoken to her every single day for the past two years!!

Really, dude?

If I stopped talking to my friends every time I dated someone I’d be completely friendless. Look, I get it. You’re finally happy now. There’s not much to bitch about, and you want to spend your time with the new Love of Your Life. But the fact of the matter is, when she becomes the Hate of Your Life, who do you think you’re going to call? Not Ghostbusters. Me. And guess who’s not going to answer her hot pink rhinestone-bedazzled iPhone? Yup, me.

I used to have a friend who I’ll call Joe. Joe and I had a “fake date” every Thursday night in my favorite Italian restaurant. Then Joe got a girlfriend who didn’t like him spending time with another girl. Well, who didn’t like him spending time with me. That was five years ago. I found out on my birthday (he texted me) that Joe now lives in Ohio with her and has for the past 6 months. I…didn’t…even…know…he…moved.

I honestly believe this is just a guy thing. They are scared of their girlfriends (as they should be) and completely neglect the females that have been there for them all along (which they should not). When my friend Cynthia (the one from the One-Finger-Stand) got back with her boyfriend, he told her to ditch all her guys friends. Her answer?

“Yeah right. Guess who was there for me when you decided to break up with me back in January. I’ll leave you before I leave them.”

You go girl!

Look, I’ve been the jealous girlfriend before. My ex’s best friend was a girl. And did I like them hanging out? No. But I bit my tongue and allowed it (with only minor whining) because (a) I have guy friends and I can’t be a hypocrit and (b) Who am I to break up a friendship? Him and I broke up and they’re still close friends. And, ya know, what…good for them. He did the right thing by that girl and now he kept her as a good friend.

Have you ever been neglected by your friend of the opposite sex once they got a boy/girlfriend?

One thought on “Once Your Male Friend Gets A Girlfriend, Kiss Him Goodbye

  1. Yes Jen many times! i know exactly how you feel! And then when they come back to you its like “oh now you want me?”. I would love to stick this post to one of my friends foreheads since he does this all the damn time

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