I’m A Writer, People: If I Was Gonna Make Up A Rumor, I’d Make It Juicier Than THAT

If there’s one thing I can’t stand – it’s people making up lies about things I’ve said or done. I recently had someone accuse me of calling her a gold-digger behind her back. Here’s what happened: Back in March I was out with some friends that I like, but am not close to. When 8 out of 10 of us wanted to go home, Maria and I decided to stay behind. She was meeting up with this guy she had just started dating (Dave) and I had just taken a shot of $12 tequila and refused to waste that much money and tipsiness.

A few minutes later, we were hanging out with Dave and three of his friends. The night was fun; two of his friends each bought me a tequila shot, and I spent the rest of the night doing the Dirty Dancing lift on the dance floor with Marcus.

I ended up dating Marcus for two weeks before breaking it off with him. And it wasn’t exactly a horrible break-up, either. After two weeks, how attached could he have really been to me? Dave stopped talking to Maria shortly after.

Anyway, moving right along. I haven’t heard from or spoken of Marcus in four months. Then, last weekend I ordered a riceball parm (surprised?) in a pizzeria in Point Pleasant.

“Do you know where the forks are?” I asked the guy next to me.

“Yeah, they’re right over there,” he said, pointing. “Do I know you? You look really familiar.”

In my head I thought, Okay, buddy, it’s the end of the night.; stop trying to pick me up. Then I got a good look at his face, and realized it was the guy Dave that had been dating Maria.

“Hey! You’re Dave, right?? You dated a friend-of-a-friend of mine, Maria.” He squinted at me. “I was dating Marcus.”

“Oh yeah!!” he said. “But, no, I never dated her. We just hooked up.”

“Alright, potato, potahto.”

We exchanged the “How’ve you beens?” with each other and pretended to care, then I left with my friend Mikey.

A week later is where all the drama goes down.

I received a phone call at 3:30AM in the morning asking if I had called Maria a golddigger. Apparently, Dave ran into Maria in a bar/club, had me fresh on his brain from last week, and decided to use me as a scapegoat for abandoning her back in March.

“I only stopped talking to you because your little friend Jen said you were a golddigger,” he said.

And, because we are so desperate to believe that guys (and girls) don’t leave us because they don’t like us, she ate up all his lies and hung out with him at the bar. Geez, I know I’m a bitch, but I’m not that much of a bitch!

The next day I texted messaged Marcus in a huff and left him an audio note, explaining the entire situation to him – including the fact that even if Maria was a golddigger I wouldn’t know because she’s not my friend and that it’s a moot point anyway because Dave has no money!

Marcus wrote me back, acknowledging that I never said a single bad word about Maria, and said that “Dave probably said that to keep his name clean.”

Because of the sheer amount of guys and girls I know, I’ve come to realize that guys will say just about anything to get into a girl’s pants. Even if that “anything” is smearing my reputation.

Have you ever been accused of saying or doing something you didn’t?

2 thoughts on “I’m A Writer, People: If I Was Gonna Make Up A Rumor, I’d Make It Juicier Than THAT

  1. give Maria my phone # . why do i have to do 3rd grade math problems to leave a comment ?

  2. All the time. People accuse me of being easy in bed. That’s news to me. Apparently, a one time mistake means I’ll give it up quick every time. Lol, people and their dumb rumors.

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