When Do Your Friends Need Tough Love?

We all have those annoying friends that could just never ever take our side no matter what story we tell them about what guy or girl. All they do is make us not want to tell them any more stories. ┬áSince it’s obnoxious as hell no one wants to be that friend. But is it ever an absolute necessity?

My friend Paul has been hung up on the same girl for months. She only talks to him when she’s lonely and knows exactly what to say to get back into his head (although all she really has to say is “Hey”).

Anyway, he called me last week and told me that he missed her, but went on a couple of dates and met a girl he thought was nice. I was thrilled that he was at least *trying* to move on, something he had been refusing to do up until that point.

Then yesterday he called to tell me that he wanted to die because he had seen her the night before, and then immediately got the “This was a mistake; I still don’t want to commit” speech via text an hour later.

I am not proud, but I yelled a little. I told him that she doesn’t love him, because if she did she would either commit or allow him to move on. He defended her with the same bullshit he always does, and I yelled a little louder.

I know that no one wants to hear that it’s never going to work with the person they’re with. And I know it’s no friend’s place to ever say anything, because what the hell do they know, anyway? But when your friend is constantly being torn apart by the same person for months on end, isn’t your duty to give them a loving slap across the face and tell them to open their eyes?

I don’t know. I ended the conversation with, “Look, Paul, you’re gonna do what you want, anyway, so it doesn’t really matter what I say.”

Should I have done what I usually do and just shut up and listened?

6 thoughts on “When Do Your Friends Need Tough Love?

  1. I can totally relate to this one! I have a friend that is so hung up on a guy that she has known since high school(she is in her 40’s now) and she will ruin good relationships to be there for him. He is in the service and she is only good enough for him when he is back in the area…she needs a wake up call. So I have been the voice of reason on a few different occasions.

  2. Being a good friend is being honest. Some friends do merit tough love. By saying what they want to hear is enabling them to continue destroying themselves. It’s like giving an alcoholic alcohol. Do you want to contribute to someone’s self distruction? What you said to Paul is correct.

    It has happened to me before. I have no patience for people who don’t do anything to change their situation they are unhappy with. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves (very true!). I’ve no problem telling a friend to stop telling me their problems if I feel like I sound like a broken record. If they continue to tell me, then I just shrug. What else can I say if I’ve said it all?

  3. You can be as honest as you want. No one listens when they think they’re in love.

  4. Teach: This is very true. And I like how you said “thinks” haha. Don’t think I didn’t catch that lol.

  5. Wonderinwho: I do the ‘shrug’ also, because you’re right, if you’ve said it all and they already know your opinion on the matter (leave the guy/girl that’s making you miserable), then what else could you really do or say?

  6. Delta: That’s so upsetting to hear that she ruins relationships for him. I wish people listened to us (their friends) more often!

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