He Makes My Heart Skip A Tweet

I’m in love with a random stranger I follow on Twitter. He is literally the most cynical, depressed, happy-people-hating person I have ever come across. In a nutshell, he’s me! All day long I hear about people’s great job, have to “oo & ah” at their engagement rings, pretend to care about the wedding invitation they send out, smile at pictures of their babies. It’s just so nice to finally find someone as miserable as me and the handful of friends I hold dear to my heart.

All this guy does is Tweet about the stupid people he encounters in his day, how his job takes over his whole life, and how he despises the world. Can I move to California and marry this man? We would have the cutest little sarcastic, pessimistic, snarky children!

The other day he wrote “This theater has inspirational quotes written on its walls. I’m just about done setting the dynamite.” I swear, I feel like he’s my damn soulmate. Isn’t the definition of a soulmate someone who you feel connected to that makes you smile? Well this guy is my male-counterpart and brightens my day with every new depressing, passive-aggressive, abusive and hilarious tweet.

3 thoughts on “He Makes My Heart Skip A Tweet

  1. not a good idea — you need someone to counterbalance (if that’s a word) you.

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