Guys Who Make You Believe You Don’t Deserve To Be Treated Well

I wrote “guys” in the title, but the truth is there are girls who do it to their boyfriends, also. Most of my blog posts are rants about bad dates, assholes, or going on bad dates with assholes. Sometimes I whine about being single. Every once in a while (hint hint, now) I’ll have a Hallmark card moment and write something uplifting. So prepare to be freaking uplifted, or at least pretend so I feel like I did my good deed for the day.

I recently dated someone that made me feel really bad about myself. And when I say really bad…I mean like severe-depression-bad. He called me an extremely mean name and showed me little to no affection. Did he have his own personal reasons for doing it? Yes. And those reasons convinced me that the deterioration of our relationship was my fault and I deserved his horrible treatment.

That’s coming pretty damn close to Battered Wife Syndrome, and I’m not the type of girl to go down that road. No matter what you do – you do not deserve to be treated like a criminal. Even if you do something horrible – like cheat on your girl/boyfriend – if they decide to forgive you and stay in the relationship, then they have no right to treat you with disrespect and/or walk all over you.

Everyone has the right to walk away. I can’t go into details but, in this particular case, I gave him the opportunity to walk away. He chose to stay because he “liked me so much.” Yes, he liked me so much that he made me cry almost every day after that, never wanted to see or touch me, and barely spoke when we were on the phone with each other.

At one point, during one of our 20 fights, he said, “I could have said ‘F*ck you’ two weeks ago, but I didn’t because I like you,” and I told him that it might have just been better if he did.

Here’s my advice: Learn from my mistakes. When you feel mistreated by the person you’re dating, leave them. I don’t care what you did to them – they stayed with you and now the bad relationship is on them. Don’t be like me and think I’ll let this bad behavior go, because it’s my fault he’s acting this way to begin with. Because, realistically, how long can you say that for? Are you going to let him cancel plans on you weekly? Curse you out? Hit you? Where does it end?

Maybe fairytales don’t exist. But I see the way my father looks at my mother after 35 years, and that’s pretty damn close. And that’s what I want; so I’m not settling for these emotionally abusive guys anymore, and you shouldn’t either.

Have you ever stayed in an abusive relationship (physical/mental/emotional) because you felt that you deserved the mistreatment for something you had done?

4 thoughts on “Guys Who Make You Believe You Don’t Deserve To Be Treated Well

  1. I think it’s very important for all people to recognize emotional/psychological abuse in a relationship when they experience it. It’s very real and very common and many times, abusers don’t intend to even do it. Sometimes they just naturally behave in a way that is selfish and abusive and their partners fall into a web of being their doormat, but this can be just as dangerous as physical abuse because people can lose all self respect, self esteem and like you said, feel depressed and go into many of the same emotions and feelings as those in the BWS do. Thanks for posting this.

  2. This is EXACTLY how my past two relationships were. It’s like I wrote the article myself. I’m so glad we seem to both be far, far away from that situation.

  3. Vicky: I always say that my articles are universal because we all go through the same shit (unfortunately). I’m glad we are far away also.

  4. Ashley: It’s true. Psychological abuse is no less dangerous than physical. It can really tear a person apart and my best recommendation is to get the hell away from the abuser the moment you experience it — because they’ll/it’ll never change.

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