As you know, I am an expert in bad relationships and breakups. So, yes, I do understand how hard it is to leave someone that you love. I know that how hard it is to leave someone that you like. Or have great sexual chemistry with. Or get attention from. The list goes on and on. There’s an endless array of reasons we refuse to leave the person that’s making our lives a living Hell. The irony is that we think if we do leave them, our lives will be a living Hell. Yet they’re the cause of our current Hell. So , in reality, is there any difference?
I know that it’s easier to choose fights, screaming matching, sadness, and fits of tears over loneliness. But, chances are, if the person you’re with is causing all of those emotions and actions, then your mood can go nowhere but up without them.
When your friends could literally read the pep-talk they give you from an index card, you basically know it’s time to move on. How many times can you complain about the same thing? Here the same advice? Cry over the same fight?
Okay so here’s my suggestion. I’ve given it to some of my best friends and to myself. Give yourself a time limit. Because it’s so difficult to end it – and it is so difficult – don’t do it today. Or even tomorrow. But look at your calendar and think about how much longer you’re willing to put off the first day of the rest of your life. How many more days or weeks are you willing to deal with their bullshit and meanness and cruelty and emotional abuse?
I like to say a month. I feel like it’s long enough for you not to have a panic attack about never seeing them again, but short enough to not waste any more months and months or years of your life.
There’s only one issue with this plan: When the designated date arrives you MUST break up with them. Otherwise it was all for nothing. The only difference between this …when it’s hard (and it will be hard)you can now fall back on the thought, Well, I gave this my best shot and, in addition to the months/years I put into trying to make this work, I gave it this past month. If he/she didn’t change in that month, they never will.
Don’t you see? There’s no more “Maybe he/she will change. Maybe if I just give them more time and don’t make any rash decisions.” This isn’t a rash decision. This is a calm and collected choice that you have made to end a very long period of emotion abuse. Remember that. Eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, and remember that. Good luck to you.