I Cannot Allow My Mother To Read 50 Shades of Grey

“But all my friends are reading it!” my mom half-laughed, half-pleaded her case last night.

“I’m sorry, but I cannot in clear conscience allow you to read this pornographic book. You’re just too old,” I replied.

About two weeks ago, when I was still reading my other book, my mom mentioned that she had heard about this book called 50 Shades of Grey, and she wanted to read it.

Already having the scoop about the book from two of best friends, Megan (who recommended it to me) and Kaitlin (who was currently reading the eBook I had purchased), I knew it was a bad idea.

“What?! Your mom can’t read that! It’s porn!” Kaitlin burst out over dinner when I told her.

“Sorry, Ma,” I told my mom when I got home. “Kaitlin said you’re not allowed to read 50 Shades. It’s too dirty for you.”

My mom laughed at the fact that her daughter was telling her what she can and cannot read based on “dirtiness.”

She came home from work the next day and informed me that all of her friends were reading it, and she wanted to, also. Apparently she had told them that I told her she “wasn’t allowed” to read it, and they said it was “Mommy porn.” Oi vey.

Kaitlin had a similar issue with her boyfriend’s mom, Janine. Janine is determined to make it her summer read because all of her friends were reading it, too. Janine, her mother, and Kaitlin all sat and watched E.L. — get interviewed on 2020 last week. Kaitlin faced burned redder and redder as they began to take out the different kinds of whips and bondage Christian Grey, the main character of the book, uses on his girlfriend Anastasia.

“Wow, maybe there’s a bit more to this book than I thought,” Janine said quietly, as her mother’s little-old-lady look of perplexity turned to pure confusion and Kaitlin contemplated suicide.

I can’t really say I’m surprised that all these older ladies want to read 50 Shades, I mean they are women too and, after all, weren’t dirty romance novels around way before this book hit the New York Times’ Bestseller List? I say, if these moms want to read it and get freaked out, we should let them. After all, everyone deserves to experience a little Christian Grey in their life, right?

6 thoughts on “I Cannot Allow My Mother To Read 50 Shades of Grey

  1. I would die if my mother read those books simply because then she would know that I am sick and twisted enough to enjoy them!! In all honesty I am shocked that these books are on the best seller list (I’m on the second one) because the writing is pretty horrible and the dialogue has the cheeky qualities of chick lit that I hate. I just got sucked in…but I won’t tell anyone I’m reading them ; )

  2. My mom read them and was shocked when I said I did also. I think we both see each other a little differently now Haha

  3. I read all 3 books in 3 days and I’m not ashamed to say it! First, they are really not hardcore BDSM — just a little naughty soft porn. I think the reason these books are getting so much attention is because they are slightly kinky without going over the deep end and are a departure from the traditional “Fabio on the cover” type of romance novel that my little old Aunt Lilly used to read voraciously. Honestly, what woman couldn’t use a little bit of spicy imagination candy? It’s all about entertainment and escapism and these novels deliver. My cousins, Aunts and friends are all reading it and we talk about it like we’re in some sort of secret society.

  4. Every few years there’s another “Fifty Shades of Grey” scandalous book around. I’m sure moms have gone through several way before you were born.

  5. I think it’s so funny that you care if your mothers read these books. What? You don’t think they know about sex, how do you think you got here? I speak openly with my mother, I’ve probably said worse things to her than E.L could ever write in her books. Jokingly of course… Lol :)

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