“Jen, I Hate Your Red Hair”… “Jerk, I Hate Your Black Soul”

This year, ever since going really red (and awesome), I had someone say one of the most offensive things I have ever heard. I was dating a guy that I met online and I did something that you should never ever ever do. I had a terrible gut feeling and ignored it.

This guy, who I’ll call Bill, told me about a bad online dating story that had happened to him. He said that he had been talking to a girl and liked her, but when he met up with her she was about 6 years older and 100 pounds heavier then she was in her photos. He stayed with her for an hour, before getting up to leave. When she questioned him, he asked her if she thought it was “deceptive” of her to put up photos that did not reflect her true appearance.

Another incident occurred on this date that left a really bad taste in my mouth. That story, however, is so horrible that it’s a blog post in itself. You can look for it at Oh God, Let Me Die Of A Heart Attack So I Don’t Have To Withstand Another Minute Of This Date. Anywho, between those two horrifying stories, the knot in my stomach told me to get out immediately. But did I listen to that knot? No. I listened to my eyes, who were telling my brain that we would look awesome in a Facebook default wearing our matching peacoats. Fuck you, eyes.

Anyway, fast-forward two weeks and we’re seeing each other. Just like that first date, there were several other comments and actions that made me re-think dating him, but I decided it was too soon to judge and I needed to stop being so damn picky all the time. That’s when it happened.

[Pause] This is a must-read: When Bill and I first met, I made cupcakes that had blue and pink sprinkles on them. He said, “Oo, I like them because they’re Christmas-themed. I informed him that pink and blue were not red and green, and he said, “Geez, I think I’m color-blind.” Why I forgot this during his attack on me is beyond me and I’ll forever kick myself for it.

After having a stupid argument because I wouldn’t drive the 30 minutes to his house to snuggle with him, he said, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Okay…” I said.

“Do you think you were deceptive┬áin your Plenty of Fish pictures?”

“What?” I asked.

“Well, in your pictures your hair isn’t really all that red. And, in person, it’s very, very red. Do you think that maybe that’s being a little bit deceptive?”

That’s when I did that thing where I turned slowly and stared at my phone for a second before answering. You know, where you think, Maybe the phone lines got crossed, or, maybe I feel asleep for a second and I was dreaming because no one would ever actually say that to me.

“Are you putting me in the category of the old, fat chick that you said was ‘deceptive’?” I asked.

“Well, she was 100% deceptive,” he said. “But don’t you think you were a bit deceptive?”

Once again, the slow phone stare occurred.

Swallowing hard, I said, “Okay, then my answer is ‘No, I do not think I was deceptive. The pictures on my profile have the exact same hair color as what I have now. Can I ask you a question?'”


“Do you think I’m ugly?”

“I’m not answering that,” he said, with an attitude.

“Why?” I asked, fighting that feeling that you get when you’re choking back tears.

“Because it’s a stupid question,” he said, his attitude increasing 10-fold.

“I don’t think it’s a stupid question. But let me re-phrase. If someone asked you why you were seeing me, what would you tell them?”

“I would say that it’s none of their business and I’m seeing you because I have an interest in you.”

“Okay, but I’m asking you why you like me,” I persisted. “If you felt this way after seeing me for the very first time, why on earth for you continue to see me for two entire weeks?”

He called the question “stupid” for a whopping third time, and went on to tell me that he felt “dying your hair is fake” and that I only do it for attention. I assured him that I do not need a certain hair color to attract attention from anyone, and that I dye my hair because I love the way it looks red.

The argument continued on, going back and forth between him completely overstepping and telling me that he thought I should be a brunette, and me disagreeing…when what I should have been doing was hanging up on the stupid ass.

Has any guy/girl ever told you that he/she wanted you to change your appearance? Did he/she ever call your online dating photos “deceptive”?

10 thoughts on ““Jen, I Hate Your Red Hair”… “Jerk, I Hate Your Black Soul”

  1. Two things — never ignore that “gut feeling” — always listen to the little voice inside your head. Secondly, if he thought you were being deceptive when your hair wasn’t the color he expected, why the heck did he even go on a second date…and a third…and a fourth? I actually find it more deceptive when someone pretends to be a polite young man with manners — when he obviously was not what he seemed to be.

  2. He is pretty dumb to consider the fact that hair color changing slightly from the sun, or lighting or fading over time or being redyed as deceptive.

  3. Wow…! I cannot believe that guy!! What a jerk!!! You need to find someone who deserves you and appreciates your vibrant hair color…..I mean it’s not many people that can pull it off so beautifully :)

  4. Kerry: Isn’t it?! Perfect picture and then I photoshopped the caption in! ::pats self on back:: haha …Thanks!

  5. “No. I listened to my eyes, who were telling my brain that we would look awesome in a Facebook default wearing our matching peacoats. Fuck you, eyes.” This is my favorite line ever!!! what a J/O i’m so glad you got out when you did!!!

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