I’m Not Interested In You, I’m Interested In Fixing Your Online Dating Profile

I really need to stop answering guys that message me on dating websites that I have no interest in…simply because I want to correct their spelling or grammar or improve their profile by giving them picture advice. They take my response to mean that I’m interested in them and that I am perhaps too nervous to say it, so I mask my feelings of true love in a shy, “Fix your profile” message.

I sometimes tell them that if they follow my advice they’ll get triple the amount of messages. They keep writing me back, saying things like, “But I don’t want to triple my messages. I just want you to have a drink with me.” And then I’m at a loss for words.

The thing is…I physically cannot understand how some guys think that it’s acceptable to put up the photos and self-descriptions that they do.  I offered to help out a friend of mine and ended up re-writing his entire profile and telling him exactly what sort of pictures to put up.  He got 5 messages overnight (which is unheard of for a guy).  I remember opening up his profile and seeing “If you’re a fat chick, don’t message me…I’m not interested.” I obviously took that down immediately.

Guys think that they can be their normal, jerky selves on this site.  Unacceptable.  The only reason we, as girls, put up with your shenanigans is because we’re already addicted to your stupid little smiles.  If we got a taste of you being an ass right off the bat we would never get that chance to get to the point where we’re willing to overlook your stupidity. One of my best friends always tells her boyfriend “I love you, you idiot” and he says, “How can you call me an idiot and then say that you love me?” “Because – I love you in SPITE of you being an idiot.”

I’m dying to just message different guys asking them if they’d like my help.  And, trust me, they…need…my…help.  And, if I can’t message them all, hopefully they’ll read this post.

1. First of all, let’s just say no pictures where you black out your ex-girlfriend or family members’ faces.  It’s creepy and you look like one of those serial killers from Law & Order who post up pictures on their walls of the victims they’re planning on killing.

2. Similarly, why don’t we stick to somewhat close-up solo shots or cropped photos? I don’t need to try and sift through 10 pictures of you in a giant group of guys or surrounded by four girls because you think it’s making you look “cool.”  On the other hand, mirror shots of you flexing shirtless or cell phone pictures of your face while you’re lying in your bed aren’t really acceptable, either.

3. Moving on to your profile: Let’s remove all talk about how you want a “hot, sexy” girl, shall we? Stick to “I want a good girl who’s looking for something real” or something equally as unpiggish.

4. Perhaps you can talk about your good qualities in your About Me, and how family/friend-oriented you are, as opposed to naming every sport you’ve ever played in your entire life.

5. Finally, let’s try and avoid messages that look like “Yo cutie…I saw youre (spelled incorrectly) pix and thuht u wer hot. Mess me bak.” As appealing as those types of messages are, I might prefer something like “Hey Jennifer, My name’s _____. I read your profile and found it to be really interesting. Did you really ______? Do you really love _______? So do I. You also look really pretty in your pictures.  I hope you like my profile so we can maybe get to know each other. Hopefully I’ll speak to you soon.” I know those two messages were practically mirror images of each other but, surprisingly guys, the second one is actually way more appealing to women.

20 thoughts on “I’m Not Interested In You, I’m Interested In Fixing Your Online Dating Profile

  1. Those suggestions are good but a lot of guys follow those and it ends up boring.

    Jazz it up!

    When I did online – the occasional chick would message me saying “don’t call us chicks” or something stupid.

    50% of those ended up being what Jen described – “I’m interested in them and that I am perhaps too nervous to say it, so I mask my feelings of true love in a shy, “Fix your profile” message.”

    The other 50% just wanted to fix my post.

  2. I was listening to the “Elvis Duran” show, I would love to have piknic in the park with you.

  3. You definitely need to stop. Half of the guys probably did it on purpose or don’t care and the other half probably just suck at spelling/grammar/typing. So you’re either going to get a guy trying to turn it in to a hook up or offend some guy that will think you’re annoying or stuck up.
    .
    I was on dating sites off and on for a year or so and could write a post on this myself.

    Women holding kids in their main picture, but not clarifying it’s their nephew.
    Women that have their main picture with a guy, but not clarifying it’s their brother.
    Drinking alcohol in every other picture, yet their profile reads that they aren’t much of a party girl and wants to find a nice guy.

  4. Hi Jen I heard you on the radio this morning, so what dating site are you on. I’m on a dating site also and I am a terrible writer could use your help and writing skills for my profile for sure.

  5. That is SO true. I joined a dating site just to see what was out there. I got an insane amount of messages. More than half of the messages weren’t appealing. Either the guy would just say hey, some horrible message with bad spelling and grammar, or one where they clearly didn’t read my profile.

    I looked at this one guy’s profile who sent me a message. Definitely someone I would never even talk to. I noticed that he had checked male seeking male instead of male seeking female. He said in his profile that he was looking for a female so I messaged him back and let him know about his error. He then just asked me if I was interested in him. I said sorry, but no. He then had the bright idea to ask why. In his profile, he stated he was 25, living at home, worked at mcdonalds, and a few other things that weren’t so appealing. I just told him that I’m independent, work two jobs and have my own place. I don’t want to date someone who still lives at home and can’t support himself. He then proceeded to call me a gold digger. No, not exactly. If I can support myself, a man should be able to support themselves as well!

  6. Megan: Ugh! You are DEFINITELY not a gold digger! What is wrong with these guys? Just because we’re not interested in someone doesn’t mean we are bitchy/snobby/gold diggers.

  7. Jacky, I totally agree with your last paragraph. I have no idea why people put up pictures of themselves with someone of the opposite sex. Anyway, if you have any good online dating horror stories please share with me! I have a contact box on the right-hand side on my site. You can also email me at JenAndMen@hotmail.com :)

  8. I think you should post your POF profile on your site as an example. Obviously you know what your doing, you should give advice to us girls too!

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