This past weekend I sat and listened to 5 guys (one of which was my boyfriend, Mark) discuss cars for two hours straight. I turned to the person next to me and asked, “Do they always talk about cars?” He said, “Well, to be fair. They all love cars and when guys get together they’re going to talk about what they love.”
It got me thinking: What do girls talk about when we get together? Oh yeah — we talk about our guys who only talk about cars. Continue reading →
This post is inspired by a JenAndMen reader, who I’ll call Michelle, who wrote me the following message:
I’m going through a divorce and all my friends are married with kids. Can I just go to a bar by myself? Is that Lame Sauce or A-OK? Love your blog!
This is a really great topic to debate about: Is it okay to go to a bar alone? I’m going to say “No” — and not just because of the lameness factor. I have compiled a list because (a) it’s easy to read and (b) it’s really fun for me to both compile lists and use the word “compile” on a daily basis.
1. Bars are filled with horny, possibly crazy people…who now have access to alcohol. I honestly just don’t think it’s safe for a chick to go to a bar all by her lonesome. I mean, if the night goes really well, and you end up meeting a guy, who’s going to be able to tell the sketch artist what he looked like if you should suddenly go missing when he walks you to your car?
2. Who’s gonna distract the ugly friends? It’s also good to a have a wing-woman with you — someone to keep the gross friend or friends busy while you mack it to the guy you like. Guys think having a wingman is where it’s at. They haven’t met me as a wing-woman, yet.
One of my best friends, Marie, texted me, infuriated. “It’s not us, it’s THEM!” She proceeded to tell me a story about the guy she’s dating, Max, and what just occurred.
Max couldn’t figure out how to upload the photos from his phone onto his computer (why, no one knows), so he asked Marie for her help. While she plugged it in and did it for him, she obviously watched the pictures begin to upload onto the screen. Continue reading →
February 14th can mean only two things to people: Love, joy, and excitement — or hatred, anger and loneliness. I think you could figure out who falls into which group. If you’re in a relationship, it’s like Christmas Part II. You get to see/show just how much you and your partner love each other, give/receive awesome gifts, and get lots and lots and lots of chocolate. What taken person wouldn’t love Valentine’s Day?
Then, of course, you have the untaken people. Untaken people don’t get the love, presents, or 7 pounds of chocolate. Instead, they get to be reminded that they are alone. This upsetting fact is already almost too much to bear the other 364 days of the year…but on a day where everyone is shoving their love for one another down their throats? It’s enough to make someone scream out on a crowded street. Continue reading →
My boyfriend, Mark, told me about an article that asks what is and is not acceptable as a Valentine’s Day gift. Apparently a bunch of women were interviewed and 10/10 of them agreed that dinner could and should be counted as the gift itself.
I just have one question: Were these women interviewed from the confines of their rooms or in the common room at the Mental Institution they’re staying at? Continue reading →
This is a continuation of my previous post, Go from Rejectional to Exceptional (Part 1), which explains how I am doing my best-friend-duty to find Jason a girlfriend by writing to girls on PlentyofFish.com. Here we go again:
In the second paragraph I ask questions about her life (LIFE not DAY). This is a very common mistake guys make. Listen, buddy, I don’t care how hot you are. No girl wants to discuss her mood or her day in the first message with a complete stranger. That’s something way more intimate than guys can comprehend, and isn’t likely going to be shared immediately. Whenever I’d get a message like “How’s your day going, beautiful?” I’d usually delete it. It shows that a guy simply looked at your picture and not your profile and most likely is trying to sleep with you. Continue reading →
So lately I have been on a covert mission to get my best friend, Jason, a girlfriend. After years of hearing him complain about PlentyofFish.com, the site where I met my boyfriend, I finally decided to give him some help.
After getting his username and password, I began searching for girls who I think would be a good fit for Jason (cute, family-oriented, well-rounded, good job, short). Once I find a suitable prospect, I send him a screen shot of her picture. (He couldn’t care less about her profile). If he gives me the ‘okay’, I send the girl a message. Continue reading →
This is a post about a bad date worthy of a movie, the kind I was accustomed to having way back when…
Last week, my friend Alan went on a first date with Jill, a girl he met online. Unlike traditional means, they decided to watch a movie at her apartment. While he was on his way to her, she called him.
“Do you think you can fix my toilet?” she asked, randomly. “It’s not really working the right way.”
For the first time ever, I went on a romantic couple’s vacation. My boyfriend, Mark, took me to Jamaica last week. Because he is the outdoorsy type, we did some pretty crazy stuff, including ziplining, river-tubing, and climbing a waterfall. I, myself, prefer calmer activities — massages, poolside sunbathing, and peaceful kayaking off the shoreline. Well, the massage was painful as Hell, I got an insane sunburn, and the damn kayaking almost killed me! Ironic, I know.
I was mocked by the Water Sports Activities’ director the second I strapped the life vest on (with his help) and sat down in the boat. Continue reading →
I hate when I laugh out loud in a movie when everyone else is silent.
About a week ago, my boyfriend, Mark, and I went to see the movie “This is 40″. Paul Rudd, the star, plays the owner of a music studio. He talks about how much he loves Simon & Garfunkel. When he and his wife get into a fight, he calls the awkward silence “The Sounds of Silence”, Simon & Garfunkel’s most famous song.
Naturally, I laughed hysterically. There was only one problem — I was the only one Continue reading →
My friend Marissa (the fake belly dancer) told me a hilarious story that reminded me of one of my favorite episodes of Frasier.
One morning, after spending the night with her boyfriend, she started getting dressed to go home. Unfortunately, she was missing something: her thong. She looked all over his room, and then eventually gave up and left the house commando.
My friend Jack recently took up the guitar. One morning, he woke up at his girlfriend Lucy’s house and decided to sneak into the living room in his underwear to practice.
As he sat there playing a Greenday song, he heard the jingling of a lock. In walked Lucy’s parents, holding cleaning supplies and breakfast (their weekly tradition which he had completely forgotten about).