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Bar Hopping For One: Yay Or Nay?

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This post is inspired by a JenAndMen reader, who I’ll call Michelle, who wrote me the following message:

I’m going through a divorce and all my friends are married with kids. Can I just go to a bar by myself? Is that Lame Sauce or A-OK? Love your blog!

This is a really great topic to debate about: Is it okay to go to a bar alone? I’m going to say “No” — and not just because of the lameness factor. I have compiled a list because (a) it’s easy to read and (b) it’s really fun for me to both compile lists and use the word “compile” on a daily basis.

1. Bars are filled with horny, possibly crazy people…who now have access to alcohol. I honestly just don’t think it’s safe for a chick to go to a bar all by her lonesome. I mean, if the night goes really well, and you end up meeting a guy, who’s going to be able to tell the sketch artist what he looked like if you should suddenly go missing when he walks you to your car?

2. Who’s gonna distract the ugly friends? It’s also good to a have a wing-woman with you — someone to keep the gross friend or friends busy while you mack it to the guy you like. Guys think having a wingman is where it’s at. They haven’t met me as a wing-woman, yet.

3. You look really Continue reading

When The Guy You’re Dating Has A Phone Full of Naked Photos…That Are NOT Of You

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One of my best friends, Marie, texted me, infuriated. “It’s not us, it’s THEM!” She proceeded to tell me a story about the guy she’s dating, Max, and what just occurred.

Max couldn’t figure out how to upload the photos from his phone onto his computer (why, no one knows), so he asked Marie for her help. While she plugged it in and did it for him, she obviously watched the pictures begin to upload onto the screen.
Continue reading

Congratulations – Now Get Off the Stage!

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benLet’s talk about Oscar speeches, shall we? It seems like every winner I see get up there grows a damn beard while making his/her speech! I don’t know about you, but about 10 seconds and 10 “I wouldn’t be here without [insert unknown name]” proclamations, I pretty much pray for the Oscar gods to start playing their legendary “Get your ass off the stage” music. Yet…sometimes…they…don’t.

I just can’t understand how someone can literally believe that anyone besides their own mother would actually care enough about them to listen to them thank every person they’ve ever come across since birth. Let’s list all the winners I don’t care to listen to: Continue reading

Instagram Scheme of Things

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rsz_woodyInstagram. The new Facebook – which was the new MySpace, which was the new Aim, which was the new LIVE talking. It’s all the rage these days. It’s the way we show affection to those we love, throw jealousy at those we hate, and tell the world just how deeply inspirational, artsy, and deep we are. Not to mention cool. Yes, it proves just how much James fucking Dean we exhibit on a daily basis.

And without Instagram, think of how unfulfilling our lives would be. Every beautiful sight would just be a view to remember. Continue reading

Pour Some Coca Cola in that Melting Pot

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Everyone knows the only reason to watch the Superbowl is to see the awesome (and sucky) commercials that are especially made for the big game. And when the “big game” isn’t so big, as you all saw, the commercials really help soften the blow.  Only two commercials really stuck out in my mind — Coco Cola’s and Budweiser’s.

I’ve heard a lot of controversy over Coco Cola’s decision to have people from about a million different races, cultures and religions sing America the Beautiful. Haters feel that Coca Cola stepped over the line. I’m just not sure how. Continue reading

This Really Fal’ Into His Lap

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r620-893d31f8fe90888840c41f9046aae3f1So Jimmy Fallon finally did it. After years of patiently waiting, he was able to fit Jay Leno’s gigantic chin through the door as he kicked him out of the Tonight Show. Don’t get me wrong, I truly love Jimmy Fallon. I was just a little shocked that he was able to secure this spot. Not because he’s not hilarious and entertaining but because, well, it’s Jay freaking Leno.

The truth is though, every era has to come to an end at some point. We all tearfully said Goodbye to Friends and Boy Meets World, didn’t we? Except, with Jay Leno, it’s more like saying Goodbye to Seinfeld. We loved those lunatics — even though they weren’t very nice. They were like our mean cousins that we all secretly agreed with when they made inappropriate comments at the dinner table during holiday get-togethers. Yeah, Jay Leno is like the cast of Seinfeld and all our badass cousins. Jimmy Fallon? He’s more like our adorable yet awesome kid brother. Even if he is Continue reading

Bruce Jenner or Jen Brucer?

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So I’m reading (and seeing) that Bruce Jenner is pretty much on his way to a sex change operation. Now, here’s the thing: I don’t actually care. I do care, however, that he refuses to admit to this. Dude (and I use that term loosely), you have hair plug, ombre that nicer than mine, and a shaved Adam’s apple. Do you really want to continue this charade? I totally get it. If I was married to Kris Kardashian, I’d Continue reading

Valentines’ Slay

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cupidshot_0February 14th can mean only two things to people: Love, joy, and excitement — or hatred, anger and loneliness. I think you could figure out who falls into which group. If you’re in a relationship, it’s like Christmas Part II. You get to see/show just how much you and your partner love each other, give/receive awesome gifts, and get lots and lots and lots of chocolate. What taken person wouldn’t love Valentine’s Day?

Then, of course, you have the untaken people. Untaken people don’t get the love, presents, or 7 pounds of chocolate. Instead, they get to be reminded that they are alone. This upsetting fact is already almost too much to bear the other 364 days of the year…but on a day where everyone is shoving their love for one another down their throats? It’s enough to make someone scream out on a crowded street. Continue reading

Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweetie, Here’s a Salad

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My boyfriend, Mark, told me about an article that asks what is and is not acceptable as a Valentine’s Day gift. Apparently a bunch of women were interviewed and 10/10 of them agreed that dinner could and should be counted as the gift itself.
I just have one question: Were these women interviewed from the confines of their rooms or in the common room at the Mental Institution they’re staying at? Continue reading

Justin Bieber Is A Baby, Baby, Baby, Ohhh…

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According to Complex.com, and just about every single person on my Twitter feed, Justin Beiber was bitch slapped by some basketball player named Blake Griffin. I’m just going to take a moment to say that I think he can be Kim Kardashian’s ex, Chris Humphreys’ identical twin, but moving right along…

Apparently Bieber was trying to order a caramel apple machhiato (do these exist and can someone buy one for me this second) shirtless, and went nuts when the barista told him that he had to be clothed to order. Come on, dude, you’re going to go nuts over that? The guy has just about the least amount of power of any profession in the United States of America. You couldn’t just let him feel like he won? Continue reading