About Jen

I rock.

Put the ‘Meet’ in Car Meet

Featured

cool-car-girl-13Can you meet a guy at a car meet? I say, why the heck not? Think about it: A guy goes to a bar…why? To meet a girl. But there are 25 guys and 238,978,274,893 girls, most of whom want a husband. The competition alone is enough to make you want to set your extensions on fire. BUT a car meet is made up of 99% guys and only 1% girls! That’s virtually no competition at all. Aka the best place in the entire world to meet someone!

What you need to do:
Continue reading

Women Talk About Guys the Way Guys Talk About Cars

Featured

portsidestandard_guystalkingsports-600x450-1This past weekend I sat and listened to 5 guys (one of which was my boyfriend, Mark) discuss cars for two hours straight. I turned to the person next to me and asked, “Do they always talk about cars?” He said, “Well, to be fair. They all love cars and when guys get together they’re going to talk about what they love.”

It got me thinking: What do girls talk about when we get together? Oh yeah — we talk about our guys who only talk about cars. Continue reading

Unfortunately You Put the ‘Man’ In Mannequin

Featured

Male_Mannequin

Ah, the dating world. How often do we get attached to someone, break up with him/her, go through withdrawal, sometimes even depression, when all along we never really even knew them at all?

It’s like we find what may as well be a mannequin, and fill our heads with what we believe that person should like. Let me know if this sounds familiar…

1. Sees a photo of guy with his mother: He loves his family so much. When we get married, holidays will be so wonderful.

Reality: He sees his mother once a year. Notice the date on the photo.

2. Sees a photo of guy with nephew/niece: He’s great with kids. Yeah, when we have babies, he’s going to make a great dad.

Reality: This is his ex’s niece or nephew. He is still talking to her. Continue reading

Halloween Came Twice for this Couple

Featured

cut_gatherI’m trying to decide if I love or hate the idea of a themed-wedding. And when I say “themed,” I don’t mean vintage, rustic, or floral, I mean themed.  I came upon an article on the knot, showing how a bride went all-out for her Disney wedding. In other words she may or may not have topped Ariel, herself.

 

Things I loved: 
1. Her bright red hair (duh) and seashell clip-in.
2. The fact that her husband actually participated in this.
3. The priest wearing Mickey Mouse ears.
4. Her bridesmaids dressing as the Disney princesses. Continue reading

Bar Hopping For One: Yay Or Nay?

Featured

This post is inspired by a JenAndMen reader, who I’ll call Michelle, who wrote me the following message:

I’m going through a divorce and all my friends are married with kids. Can I just go to a bar by myself? Is that Lame Sauce or A-OK? Love your blog!

This is a really great topic to debate about: Is it okay to go to a bar alone? I’m going to say “No” — and not just because of the lameness factor. I have compiled a list because (a) it’s easy to read and (b) it’s really fun for me to both compile lists and use the word “compile” on a daily basis.

1. Bars are filled with horny, possibly crazy people…who now have access to alcohol. I honestly just don’t think it’s safe for a chick to go to a bar all by her lonesome. I mean, if the night goes really well, and you end up meeting a guy, who’s going to be able to tell the sketch artist what he looked like if you should suddenly go missing when he walks you to your car?

2. Who’s gonna distract the ugly friends? It’s also good to a have a wing-woman with you — someone to keep the gross friend or friends busy while you mack it to the guy you like. Guys think having a wingman is where it’s at. They haven’t met me as a wing-woman, yet.

3. You look really Continue reading

When The Guy You’re Dating Has A Phone Full of Naked Photos…That Are NOT Of You

Featured

One of my best friends, Marie, texted me, infuriated. “It’s not us, it’s THEM!” She proceeded to tell me a story about the guy she’s dating, Max, and what just occurred.

Max couldn’t figure out how to upload the photos from his phone onto his computer (why, no one knows), so he asked Marie for her help. While she plugged it in and did it for him, she obviously watched the pictures begin to upload onto the screen.
Continue reading

Congratulations – Now Get Off the Stage!

Featured

benLet’s talk about Oscar speeches, shall we? It seems like every winner I see get up there grows a damn beard while making his/her speech! I don’t know about you, but about 10 seconds and 10 “I wouldn’t be here without [insert unknown name]” proclamations, I pretty much pray for the Oscar gods to start playing their legendary “Get your ass off the stage” music. Yet…sometimes…they…don’t.

I just can’t understand how someone can literally believe that anyone besides their own mother would actually care enough about them to listen to them thank every person they’ve ever come across since birth. Let’s list all the winners I don’t care to listen to: Continue reading

Instagram Scheme of Things

Featured

rsz_woodyInstagram. The new Facebook – which was the new MySpace, which was the new Aim, which was the new LIVE talking. It’s all the rage these days. It’s the way we show affection to those we love, throw jealousy at those we hate, and tell the world just how deeply inspirational, artsy, and deep we are. Not to mention cool. Yes, it proves just how much James fucking Dean we exhibit on a daily basis.

And without Instagram, think of how unfulfilling our lives would be. Every beautiful sight would just be a view to remember. Continue reading

Pour Some Coca Cola in that Melting Pot

Featured

Everyone knows the only reason to watch the Superbowl is to see the awesome (and sucky) commercials that are especially made for the big game. And when the “big game” isn’t so big, as you all saw, the commercials really help soften the blow.  Only two commercials really stuck out in my mind — Coco Cola’s and Budweiser’s.

I’ve heard a lot of controversy over Coco Cola’s decision to have people from about a million different races, cultures and religions sing America the Beautiful. Haters feel that Coca Cola stepped over the line. I’m just not sure how. Continue reading

This Really Fal’ Into His Lap

Featured

r620-893d31f8fe90888840c41f9046aae3f1So Jimmy Fallon finally did it. After years of patiently waiting, he was able to fit Jay Leno’s gigantic chin through the door as he kicked him out of the Tonight Show. Don’t get me wrong, I truly love Jimmy Fallon. I was just a little shocked that he was able to secure this spot. Not because he’s not hilarious and entertaining but because, well, it’s Jay freaking Leno.

The truth is though, every era has to come to an end at some point. We all tearfully said Goodbye to Friends and Boy Meets World, didn’t we? Except, with Jay Leno, it’s more like saying Goodbye to Seinfeld. We loved those lunatics — even though they weren’t very nice. They were like our mean cousins that we all secretly agreed with when they made inappropriate comments at the dinner table during holiday get-togethers. Yeah, Jay Leno is like the cast of Seinfeld and all our badass cousins. Jimmy Fallon? He’s more like our adorable yet awesome kid brother. Even if he is Continue reading

Bruce Jenner or Jen Brucer?

Featured

So I’m reading (and seeing) that Bruce Jenner is pretty much on his way to a sex change operation. Now, here’s the thing: I don’t actually care. I do care, however, that he refuses to admit to this. Dude (and I use that term loosely), you have hair plug, ombre that nicer than mine, and a shaved Adam’s apple. Do you really want to continue this charade? I totally get it. If I was married to Kris Kardashian, I’d Continue reading

Valentines’ Slay

Featured

cupidshot_0February 14th can mean only two things to people: Love, joy, and excitement — or hatred, anger and loneliness. I think you could figure out who falls into which group. If you’re in a relationship, it’s like Christmas Part II. You get to see/show just how much you and your partner love each other, give/receive awesome gifts, and get lots and lots and lots of chocolate. What taken person wouldn’t love Valentine’s Day?

Then, of course, you have the untaken people. Untaken people don’t get the love, presents, or 7 pounds of chocolate. Instead, they get to be reminded that they are alone. This upsetting fact is already almost too much to bear the other 364 days of the year…but on a day where everyone is shoving their love for one another down their throats? It’s enough to make someone scream out on a crowded street. Continue reading

Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweetie, Here’s a Salad

Featured

image-3
My boyfriend, Mark, told me about an article that asks what is and is not acceptable as a Valentine’s Day gift. Apparently a bunch of women were interviewed and 10/10 of them agreed that dinner could and should be counted as the gift itself.
I just have one question: Were these women interviewed from the confines of their rooms or in the common room at the Mental Institution they’re staying at? Continue reading

Justin Bieber Is A Baby, Baby, Baby, Ohhh…

Featured

According to Complex.com, and just about every single person on my Twitter feed, Justin Beiber was bitch slapped by some basketball player named Blake Griffin. I’m just going to take a moment to say that I think he can be Kim Kardashian’s ex, Chris Humphreys’ identical twin, but moving right along…

Apparently Bieber was trying to order a caramel apple machhiato (do these exist and can someone buy one for me this second) shirtless, and went nuts when the barista told him that he had to be clothed to order. Come on, dude, you’re going to go nuts over that? The guy has just about the least amount of power of any profession in the United States of America. You couldn’t just let him feel like he won? Continue reading

I Retired Jeter’s Jersey Long Before He Ever Will

Featured

So I can’t believe I am once again posting about sports — but it’s not my fault. I am being hit over the head with it from every angle — first the Superbowl, then the Olympics, then the whole Griffin/Bieber bonanza, and now Derek Jeter. (Don’t worry, though, I have a mean story to go along with it!)

In the spirit of giving the people what they want, here goes nothin’: Derek Jeter is retiring after 19 years of playing professional baseball with the NY Yankees.

Jeter, who will be 40 when he retires, has had 3,316 hits (ninth most all-time), 256 home runs and 1,261 runs batted in. He’s been on 13 All-Star teams and won a Rookie of the Year award, as well as five Gold Gloves and five Silver Slugger honors. He also refused to nicely wave Hello to me 5 years ago. So screw him and his shiny yellow gloves. Continue reading